Because of Course
by deathtodiscotexasliberalweirdo
Summary: L/J--takes them from 7th Year throughout their life until death--story of love, bravery, and loss...all of the Voldemort encounters, and lots of marauder action! By far the best story I've written--please R&R!
1. The Beginning

Prologue

"Get away from me!" she screamed, waving her now useless wand threateningly at the pallid face in front of her.

He laughed, a high, soft, cold, laugh, "Do you really believe that I would obey you, silly girl? I'm here to kill your son, not for anything else."

She let out a heaving sob and stepped in front of her son, "No! Take me. Not Harry! Kill me instead! Take me, not Harry! Please!"

He held up his wand, his white face livid, and his scarlet eyes slits of vehemence. Her face turned nearly as chalk white as his as she stared at the wand pointed directly at her heart. She circled her arms around Harry.

"Move aside, mudblood," snarled Voldemort, "I will spare you. Step aside!"

She shook her head, making her red curls go flying, "Never! I won't ever let you get him."

"As you wish mudblood." And with a flash of green, she fell to the floor right in front of Harry's eyes.

* * *

Lily Evans scanned the busy platform happily. It was her last year at Hogwarts, she was Head Girl, and it seemed nothing could go wrong. Before she knew it, she had all the wind knocked out of her as her best friends Dorcas Meadowes and Emmeline Vance hugged her rambunctiously.

"Lils, you look fantastic!" crowed Dorcas, looking her up and down.

Lily laughed, "You too, Meadowes." She turned to her quiet friend Emmeline, "How are you, Ems?"

Emmeline smiled, "Fabulous, as usual. I spent my whole summer with me Mam and me Dad in Scotland visiting me grandparents. It was great."

Dorcas rolled her eyes, "Who needs grandparents and Scotland? I spent my summer in Paris, the city of love!"

Lily waggled her eyebrows, "Hmm? And what did you experience in such an illuminating city?"

Dorcas shook out her curls and took Lily by the elbow, "I'll tell you two about it in the compartment. We should go if we want a decent seat." Emmeline nodded.

Lily shrugged apologetically, "Sorry, girls, but I've got to go to the Head's compartment to meet the new Head Boy, but I promise I'll come a little later."

Emmeline raised her eyebrows, "Promise?"

Lily smiled, "Yes! Now go on, you fools!"

The two of them laughed and ran off to get a compartment on the train. To tell the truth, Lily was nervous about the prospect of meeting the new Head Boy. What if it was Snape? Or someone equally horrendous? What if it was someone she couldn't get on well with? Lily dearly hoped Remus would be the new Head Boy.

Lily walked cautiously to the door of the Head's Compartment, thinking too much about putting one foot in front of the other. She slid open the door…

"You've kept me waiting, Evans."

Lily gaped. James Potter lounged on one of the plush blue seats, his hair in disarray, and looking completely at ease.

"What are you doing here, Potter?"

James frowned, "Now is that any way to treat your fellow Head, Evans? I should think not."

Lily shook her head, unwilling to believe it, "N-no. No. This-this is absurd. You weren't even a prefect!"

James gave her a lopsided grin, "You don't believe me, eh, Evans? Perhaps this ought to convince you." James shifted slightly so that the gleaming Head Boy badge on his chest was visible.

Lily clutched her heart and sank down onto the seat. How could this have happened? The one being on the entire earth that she hated more than anybody, her fellow Head?

James stood up, looking worried, "You okay, Lily? You look kind of…pale."

"Dumbledore's absolutely barking!" gasped Lily.

James burst out laughing, "You would think so, wouldn't you, Evans? I mean, me, Head Boy? But he has to have a good reason, so I would trust his judgment if I were you."

"I thought Remus was a cert!" whispered Lily.

James shrugged, "So did everyone else, but Remus isn't too adamant. He never really wanted to be Head, anyway."

Lily turned to look at him, her eyes in slits, "Potter, you have to promise to be civil."

James grinned, "I solemnly swear, Lilyflower."

Lily rolled her eyes, "We should lay some ground rules. First of all, never, ever, again call me Lilyflower. Second, no asking me out! Third, please just try to maintain a civilized disposition, Potter."

"Since when have I not been civilized?" asked James, sitting down and crossing his legs looking extremely pompous.

* * *

"So how do you think it's going with Prongs and Lily?" asked Sirius, smirking at the possibilities.

Remus grinned, "I'd reckon there will be some bloodshed in a few seconds."

"I don't get what he sees in her." said Peter glumly looking at the rain out the window.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "You better not let Prongs hear you saying that, Wormtail. He worships the ground she walks on."

Peter shrugged, "I don't know. I don't think James has a chance."

Remus shrugged, "Well, maybe, but the way I figure it, is, that the reason she hates him so much is because he's an arrogant prat, right? Well, now he's mature. He's changed, right? So she's bound to love him."

"That's what you think, Moony," muttered Sirius darkly yanking his robes on, "You just wait, mayhem will ensue when Prongs tries to prove himself to Lily."

"Mayhem? That bad, eh?" said a voice from the corridor. The three boys whipped their heads around to see James standing outside the compartment leaning casually against the glass.

"Hey, mate!" exclaimed Sirius, much too cheerily, "You didn't, by chance, perhaps, maybe have..."

"Heard that you three girls have been gossiping about my prospects with Lily?"

Sirius grinned guiltily, "Yeah, well,"

James grinned, "Forget about it, Padfoot."

Remus looked up, "So?"

James frowned, "So?"

Remus groaned, "So...did mayhem really ensue?"

James grinned, "Nope. We made a deal. I don't ask her out and she behaves civilly to me. She loves me. I know it."

"I think you're aiming a little high there, Prongs," smirked Sirius, "but on the upside, there was no ensuing mayhem."

"Speaking of mayhem..." started Peter.

"Yes?"

"Well, do you realize this is our last year to cause mayhem?"

"We should leave our mark on the school," said James, "but how?"

Sirius scratched his head than smacked the fold-up table so loud that all four boys jumped, "I have it!"

James smirked, "What do you have, Padfoot?"

"Well, the marauder way is to do the impossible, right?"

When the other three nodded, he continued, "Well, then we should do the impossible."

Remus ran an impatient hand through his hair, "Well get on with it, padfoot. What's the impossible?"

Sirius held up a hand, "Keep your shirt on, Moony. Well, the impossible thing we should do...we should make Lily fall for Prongs!"

There was silence.

"I like it." said Remus, "It will be immeasurably difficult, and though it's unlike any mischief we've ever caused in the past, it will be equally as rewarding."

Peter grinned, "Well done, Mr. Padfoot."

Sirius grinned and turned to look at James, "So, Prongsie? What do you think of it?"

James sniggered, "Good luck with that."

Remus cheered, "It's official. We have a mission. Make Lily fall for Prongs."

* * *

Lily stood outside Dorcas and Emmeline's compartment. They were in the middle of a conversation about a boy in Scotland who had taken a liking to Emmeline, but all Lily could think about was that James, **James**, the incarnation of pure conceitedness, was the person that she was going to have to spend limitless time with. She wasn't happy with the circumstances, oh no, but she would have to make it work.

"So he really wanted you to stay in Scotland with him?" Dorcas was saying.

Emmeline looked up as Lily slid open the door, "Hello, love. How was the Head's meeting?"

Lily sighed and plopped herself down next to Dorcas, "Not to peachy. You'll never guess who the Head Boy is."

Dorcas lit up, "Goody, a guessing game!"

Emmeline snickered, "Who, lily?"

Lily glared daggers at the window, "Potter."

Dorcas clapped a hand over her mouth and Emmeline burst out laughing, "You're kidding, right?"

Lily dropped her head in her hands, "Believe me, Meadowes, I wish I was."

Emmeline now clutching her stomach between gales of laughter gasped, "You are going to have so much fun this year, Lils."

Lily glared at her, "What am I to do, girls? Potter is going to be such a pain in the buttocks!"

Emmeline shrugged, "The only thing you can do. Fall in love with him!"

Lily's jaw dropped, "Never! I would never go out with Potter in a million years!"

* * *


	2. When Hate Gets Old

James hopped up on the windowsill in the empty classroom dejectedly, "Lils, do we really have to do this? I don't want to speak to a bunch of snotnosed prefects!"

Lily sighed, "Yes, Potter. We have to talk to the prefects. Don't worry, it will only last a few minutes."

He shrugged, "Couldn't we just yell at the lot of them and tell them to go snuff it instead?"

Lily glared at him over the top of her clipboard, "NO! Absolutely not."

James grinned, "Joking, Lils. Yeesh!"

Lily turned away from him in anger and watched the door, readying herself for the prefects.

Before they could speak another word, eight teenagers trotted into the room. Leo Wood, Dorcas, Regulus Black, Frank and Alice, their arms around each other, Remus, and the two Prewett twins.

Lily smiled warmly at all of them, but James scowled at everyone but Remus.

Lily opened her arms, "Hello, fellow students. We are hoping that this year will be a great year, and that all of you, and James and I will make a great team to keep the rest of our fellow Hogwarts students in line. Now, after calling role and assigning duties, you're free to ask questions or leave if you wish."

Regulus scowled, "How did that fool get to be Head Boy, and how did a mudblood like you get to be Head Girl?"

Lily glared, failing to remember that she had wondered the same thing yesterday, "The question period isn't until after role call and duty assignments, Regulus."

James's upper lip curled menacingly, "Keep your thoughts to yourself, Black."

Regulus's eyes widened and he raised his wand in warning pointing it at James's heart. James responded quicker than quick. Before Regulus could speak a word, James's wand was pointed directly between his eyes.

"Now, really!" exclaimed Lily, confiscating both of their wands while the rest of the prefects watched on disapprovingly.

James turned his back on the rest of them, while the rest of the meeting commenced, staring out the window a surly look adorning his face.

Once the meeting came to a close, Lily rounded on him angrily, "Potter! How-how could you?! You're supposed to be setting a **good** example for the rest of them!"

James waved her off, "I don't need your input, Evans. I wish you would have let me curse him. That filthy, conniving, death eater would have deserved it. I don't know why I listened to you. He should have got what he deserved! When i think of all the things he's done, I just feel like-like--", James broke off and slammed his fist down on the table in frustration.

Lily frowned, "He's a death eater?"

James sneered, "Lily, please. Didn't you hear how he called you a-a--" He broke off and closed his eyes in agony, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Lily laid a hand on James's shoulder, "James, many people have called me a mudblood. That doesn't mean they're death eaters, that just means they were brought up the wrong way, taught to fear those that weren't exactly as they were.

James sighed, "That may be so, but I swear to you, Black is a death eater. That's why Sirius ran away from home. Well not entirely, his mum had some to do with it, but it was mostly Regulus that he couldnt stand."

Lily intertwined her fingers with his, "James, I know it's hard, thinking of the injustice, and the cruelty. And i know it's hard thinking that your best friend came from a family rooted in the middle of all of that, but I've made my peace with the fact that some think of me as inferior. I know that that's just silly. They're in the wrong, and I'm in the right, and as long as you believe in yourself, what everybody else thinks doesn't matter anymore."

James looked down at her smiling, suddenly realizing how close she was, how her fingers were clutching his, "Lily..."

She smiled, "What?"

"You...you called me James."

She smiled wider, "Yes, well. That's neither here nor there."

"No-Lily-just...why?"

She sighed, "You're the only one that understands. Well, not the only one, but one of the very few. And, as much as I hate to admit it, you have matured, and I think it would be better, and more reasonable, if we were friends."

James brought her hand to his heart, "Do you want to sit with me and the boys at dinner?"

She raised a calculating eyebrow.

He grinned, pulling her back to the common room, "What? It's what friends do, right?"

* * *

"Prongs, I don't know how you did it!" exclaimed Sirius, gazing wonderingly at Lily.

Lily laughed, "I know, I know, me and James are friends now. Shocking! right?"

Remus's fork, speared with sausage, which had come to a halt in front of his mouth in shock when James and Lily walked in laughing together, dropped with a loud clink, "You're telling me!" He exclaimed.

James shrugged, "Me and Lils understand each other now."

Lily's eyes flashed, "Yes, but James, you will soon be very misunderstood if you call me Lils one more time!"

James hid a grin, "Whatever you say, Lils."

Lily dropped her fork in mock anger, "I don't know why I waste time sitting with you. I'm going to go sit with the girls." She said, indicating Dorcas and Emmeline, sitting at the other end of the table, their eyes widened in shock.

James smiled, "Sit with us at breakfast? I promise I'll refine my manner."

Lily sighed theatrically, "I suppose I should indulge you just this once, Potter."

James smiled, "See you tomorrow morning, Lils."

As the four boys watched her go to sit with Dorcas and Emmeline, an expression of disbelief adorned every single one of their faces.

James turned to the rest of them, "Can you believe it?!", he asked gleefully, "Lily Evans is my friend!!"

The rest of them whooped and slapped hands.

Sirius grinned, "The finale of our final act of mischief is nearer in sight."

Remus leaned back in his chair, "So, first things first, Prongs. How did this happen?"

James shrugged, "Regulus tried to curse me," Sirius gave an unfriendly intake of breath at the mention of his estranged brother's name, "So I obviously raised my wand, then Lily went all on me about how I'm supposed to be setting an example, and then I was talking about how much I hate all those death eaters and their cruelty, and their prejudice, and how terrible they are, and she told me that it was ok because even though lots of people call her--well you know, she rises above it, and that i should too."

Sirius's upper lip curled uglily, "Did the bastard call her a--you know?"

James sighed, and ran a hand through his uneven hair, "Well...yeah. Thats what provoked me."

Sirius's hands clenched into fists, "You just wait--I'm going to go find that filthy, that-that conniving..."

James grabbed his arm, "No Sirius! Imparting violence would only be sinking to their level!"

Sirius wrenched his arm out of James's grasp, "No! I'm going to-to find him, and-and hit him until his filthy death eater head looks like a crushed soda can!"

The other three marauders stared at him in shock.

Remus stared at him hardly, "Sirius, sit **down**!"

"I won't go after him now," Sirius said, sitting down and breathing heavily, "But not a single one of you know how it is...hating all of those who are prejudiced and discriminatory towards muggles and muggle-borns, and then everyone thinking that you're one of them because you were brought up in a dark family, in a house where your own mother didn't love you, where your father believed that he, the stupidest man alive, was more valuable than fifty muggle-borns put together."


	3. Friendship Before Love

Sirius looked around him, his expression furtive. He dashed through the empty corridors to find the slytherin common room entrance. He came face to face with the stone wall. He sneered and whispered, "Mudblood." The stone wall slid aside, and Sirius tiptoed in, carefully hidden underneath James's invisibility cloak. He snuck upstairs to the boys dormitories. He swung open the door to the fifth year dormitory and stood over the bed in the corner. There slept Regulus Black, Sirius's only brother. The boy who should have been Sirius's sole confidant and friend that would stick by him through anything. The only thing that Sirius's ever saw of his broken and lost family. His face had a slight pinched look about it, not nearly as handsome as Sirius's. He was wearing black silk pajamas, the Black family crest adorning the pocket on his left breast. Sirius gave a soft chuckle, ripped off the pocket, left the note next to Regulus's head on his pillow, and left.

* * *

Regulus awoke the next morning and found the piece of yellow parchment on his pillow. It read: _If you call one of my friends a mudblood one more time, I won't wait for Voldemort to finish with you, I'll kill you myself. I don't care that you're my brother. You mean nothing, and you are nothing to me. You were the one person who, no matter what, **had** to love me, and you can't even do that._

James sat up in his bed, sunlight flooding through his red hangings, creating a curious orange glow. Through the translucent hangings, James made out a figure sitting by the window, his head in his hands. James threw aside the hangings, and saw it was Sirius, looking thoroughly distraught.

Sirius looked up at him, "I visited Regulus last night."

James's jaw dropped, "Padfoot, you didn't! How?"

Sirius shrugged, "Used you're invisibility cloak, used legilimency to get one of the house elves to tell me the password...it wasn't too difficult."

James loped off the bed and sat down on the windowsill next to Sirius, "What did you do?"

"What else?" Asked Sirius, with a sneer.

James gasped, "You didn't-you didn't kill him, did you?"

Sirius laughed, "Of course not. I left him a note...threatening to kill him."

James grimaced, "Padfoot...you don't have to take responsibilty of him. He may be you brother by blood, but not by body and soul."

Sirius stood up, overturning the water jug, "That's just it!"

"Sirius, mate, calm--"

Sirius set his jaw, "I will not calm down, Prongs! That's just it...we're bound by blood. As much as I'd like to deny it, as much as I'd like to tell everyone that **you're** my brother, that Mr. and Mrs. Potter are my parents, you all aren't. I'm really part of the noble house of Black." He spat.

* * *

"Sirius," said James, looking him straight in the eye, "I don't care if you're bound by blood...blood counts for nothing next to love. And they don't love you. My family does. You know that really, in truth, we're your family."

* * *

Lily brushed her hair in front of the mirror in the bathroom. She had promised James she would sit with him at breakfast this morning. He wasn't really so bad, James, once you got to know him. It was very odd, when you thought about it. She had despised the very ground James had walked on for six years, and now, suddenly it was as if she had been carelessly delusional. Maybe it was because she had finally seen him for what he really was. Or maybe it was just that he had finally matured.

James had always seemed to Lily as annoying, egotistical, conceited, and irritating. He was always asking her out, hexing slytherins, flirting in front of girls. He had always thought he was so cool, just because he was popular and good at transfiguration. Lily had always thought that was all there was too him, but Lily now realized that though James may have seemed just like a normal, arrogant prat, he really **got** stuff that no one else got. He knew how Lily felt when people spat 'mudblood' in her face, how much anger and betrayal she felt when she heard of the prejudice, discrimination, and all the unfair treatment of innocent people.

Lily's blood boiled when she heard of the killings and devastation, but now, it was amazing to know that someone actually **knew** everything she felt, someone who knew the thoughts in her mind. She felt like she could connect with him.

Lily smiled at herself in the mirror and whispered to herself, "You're an idiot." It was so silly! She could connect with James Potter, of all people!

Lily ran downstairs to the common room where she saw Sirius sitting with Remus in front of the fire. Lily went over to them, "Hello, boys. Where's James?"

Sirius turned to her, ashen-faced, "He's coming, don't wet yourself, Evans."

Lily narrowed her eyes, "Black! Why do you always have to be so unnecessarily rude?"

Sirius grinned up at Lily, "Sorry, Evans. You go have yourself a fun time with Jamsie."

* * *

James looked sideways at her, unable to take his eyes off her. She was so beautiful. Her flowing red hair in casual disarray, her smile so sincere, her eyes deep and sparkling, her face so gorgeously imperfect. He loved to just sit and watch her smile and talk with her friends, with his friends, who were now her friends. It was like after so many years he might finally get her. It was like any dream, no matter how impossible, could come true.

James turned to her when there was a pause in the conversation, "Lily, do you want to come on a walk with me after potions?"

Lily grinned, "That is if you don't get another ten thousand detentions from Professor Slughorn?"

James grinned back, "Ah, well, he's just prejudice. I don't deserve a single one of his detentions. That old potbelly's just got it in for me."

"Oh really?" asked Lily, raising her eyebrows, "So, it was entirely not your fault when you put frog spawn in Snape's cauldron, making his potion explode, spattering everyone with nasty boil-making potion?"

The marauders exploded in laughter, clutching each other for support. Peter grinned appreciatively, "That was great, that was. Never seen anything like it. Avery looked like he had had the chicken pox for six months, the amount of red splotches he had on his face."

Lily gasped, "That was **not** funny."

James nudged her with his elbow, "Come on Lils, you have to admit it was funny when Snivellus had to undoe his pants because they wouldn't fit over his boil-covered body."

Lily shook her head, adamant. James nudged her again. She cracked a smile. James nudged her once more. She cracked up, "Okay, it was very funny."

Sirius shook his finger at the two of them, "The Heads, disobeying rules? For shame!"

Lily threw back her head and laughed, "Oh shut it, Sirius."

James gazed at her wonderingly. It seemed she really was...one of his friends.


	4. How Love Prevails

James ran down the dormitory stairs two at a time. Potions was over, and it was time for his walk with Lily. He planned to take her around the grounds, on a very...**romantic** walk. James hoped that this...this would finally be the day that Lily Evans would fall for him. James looked up. Lily was standing at the top of the stairs in a floaty white muggle dress looking particularly pretty indeed. Her hair was loose and messy around her shoulders like a beautiful orange halo. Her almond-shaped green eyes sparkled at she noticed James standing at the bottom of the stairs.

Lily smiled, "Wotcher, James!"

James grinned, "Hey."

"So where are we going?" Lily asked, coming over to stand by James.

"You look great," James said, "And I thought we'd go walk around the lake, by the forbidden forest."

Lily smiled, "That sounds fun."

As they walked out of the dormitory, Lily turned to James, "So...is there a reason for this walk?"

James shrugged. There was no way he was actually going to tell her what the walk was for, "Ah...nothing, much. Just...to talk, get stress off, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Lily grinned

The two of them strolled through the halls and out onto the grounds. The sun was just starting to set, and the lake gave off a gorgeous silver-blue glow. The forest looked prettily ominous against the glow of the lake. James surreptitiously slipped his hand into hers. She looked at him in surprise, but didn't say anything.

James smiled down at Lily, "So...how's your life been going?"

Lily shrugged, "Okay, I guess. Ems is ecstatic because Sirius smiled at her yesterday, though I don't see how that really means anyth-" Lily gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth.

James grinned, "Ems likes Padfoot?"

"Oh James, you cannot tell Emmeline I told you that!" exclaimed Lily, "She'll positively murder me if she knew I told you!"

"Come on, Lils, would I?"

Lily raised an eyebrow.

James laughed, "I get your point. All these years of immaturity. I guess I can't expect you to trust me after only two months of friendship."

Lily smiled, "It's been weird, you know. All these years I've hated you so much and now, all of a sudden, we're friends! It feels strange to call you James calmly instead of yelling Potter out. It feels strange to, to walk with you like this, like mature adults and have a conversation without feeling like I want to pop your inflated head."

"Lils, you had every right to hate me all those years."

"Did I? It seems odd, but I don't get why I hated you so much then, because you're such a great friend now. You know?"

"Well, I remember, even if you dont, why you hated me."

Lily raised her eyebrow again jokingly, "And why is that?"

James sighed and sat down on a stone bench overlooking the lake, and pulled Lily down with him, "Well, for one, I was egotistical, I hexed every slytherin in sight, I kept asking you out for no reason, I bothered you and your friends endlessly, I'm annoyingly better than you at transfiguration, I used to be a prat, I always acted like an idiot, I was caught up in being popular."

"All of those were in the past tense, except for the transfiguration thing," said Lily, casting him an appraising look, "Does that mean that you've renounced your old ways?"

He gave her a mischievous grin, "Not renounced, exactly, but...calmed down, I would say...matured. I'll still pull pranks with my friends, I'll still hex a slytherin who annoys me, especially Snape, but...I don't ask you out randomly anymore, do I? I don't seem as egotistical, or bigheaded or arrogant or conceited."

"Some would say that saying you weren't egotistical without getting a second opinion would be an egotistical thing to say."

"Some would say?" He asked, leaning close in to her so that his nose was less than an inch away from hers, "Would you say that?"

She blushed, and suddenly seemed flustered, "James, we really should go back to the castle, it's getting-"

"It's only eight. Answer my question. Please?"

She lowered her eyes, her face now almost as red as her hair, "Well, I don't know-"

Before she could speak another word the two of the were thrown onto the ground as if by a giant, invisible hand. They were pinned there. A tall, white figure shrouded in black robes calmly stepped out of the shadows of the forbidden forest. He was swiftly followed by three others.

Voldemort towered over James in Lily examining them with slight interest.

"My Lord," whispered the death eater closest to him, "Should we kill them?"

"Not now, Bella. They could be useful." whispered Voldemort in a high cold voice.

Lily tried to scream, but now sound came out of her mouth.

Voldemort chuckled at her attempts, "Yes, mudblood. You are under my power. Silly girl. None of your efforts shall work. I am Lord Voldemort, he-who-must-not-be-named, the most powerful wizard in the world. As if you could fight me."

"YOUR WRONG!" shouted James, breaking through his silencing spell, "Dumbledore's the most powerful wizard in the world."

"Shut up, insolent boy." reprimanded one of the death eaters.

"It's all right, Lucius." said Voldemort, holding up a long-fingered hand, "Now...who have we here?"

Voldemort leaned down to take a closer look at James, "Ah. Of course. A potter. Your father and Mother cost me a lot of trouble. They are worthy opponents, but soon I will crush them, just as I am about to crush you."

Jame shook against the silencing spell and finally managed to whisper, "Never."

Voldemort smiled, his face twisting into a grotesque visage, "I assure you, I will. I don't think you'll come much in handy to me, Potter. I confess myself disappointed. You haven't even threatened to kill me like the dog that I am. That was your mother's favored line whenever she came in contact with me."

"What are you doing here?" grunted James, his teeth clenched, his whole body shaking.

Voldemort let out a lilting laugh, his cold voice hissing in the night air, "Why else would I come to Hogwarts? The muggle-loving fool is the only person of value here."

Lily let out a whimper next to James, her face screwed up in pain.

Tom Riddle shifted his attention from James to Lily, his nose wrinkled up as if she smelt bad, "Ah. The filth."

"SHUT UP!" screamed James.

Voldemort shifted his eyes from Lily to James, then back, apprehension dawned, "Oh, no, Potter. How could you. A fine pureblood wizard such as yourself, with extraordinary skill, associating with such filth like this?" He shook his pale head, his soft brown hair blowing in the breeze, "Wizards such as you and myself should not make ourselves familiar with dirt like this common girl."

"SHE'S TWICE WHAT YOU'LL EVER BE, VOLDEMORT!"

"How dare you?!" Hissed Bellatrix, "Your unworthy lips must never speak his name!"

Voldemort stopped smiling and his lip curled, "For that, Potter, I shall make your death, and hers more gruesome and terrible than I thought to before."

James's breathing was labored, and Lily's whimpers continued.

"I think..." started Voldemort, placing his fingertips together, "You should kill her, Potter."

The three death eaters chuckled. You could tell they were excited to see this.

Lily's eyes widened in fear, and James's fists clenched together, "NEVER!"

Voldemort smiled evilly, "We'll see about that, Potter. _Imperio!_"

A wonderful, blissful feeling overcame James. He would do anything.

_Kill her, James...Kill her..._

why should I kill her? I love her...

_Kill her, James...just kill her..._

no...that makes no sense

_It's okay, James...just kill her..._

no, why should I?

_Just kill her James, and it'll all be over..._

but I love her, I don't want to kill her

_KILL HER! KILL HER, JAMES!_

NO!

_KILL HER NOW, JAMES!_

_"I WONT!_" screamed James collapsing to the ground once more, then crawling over to Lily.

"You wont?" Asked Voldemort, surprise apparent in his voice, "Then I will just have to--"

"That wont be necessary, Tom."

The last thing James saw before he blacked out was Albus Dumbledore's silver beard glinting in the moonlight, like a beacon of hope.


	5. A New Wave of Love

**

* * *

**

A/N: Yes, if any of you have read _Nicola and the Viscount_ by Meg Cabot, this whole "ear" thing is taken from there when Nicola falls from the roof into Nathaniel's arms.

Lily blinked. Where was she?

She saw an ear. An ear attatched to a head covered in untidy black hair. She opened her eyes all the way and the Hospital Wing came into view. She was laying in a white, clean, bed next another bed in which James was laying.

"James! James!"

James turned over, a book in his hands, "Lily! You're awake."

Lily smiled, "What happened? All I can remember is...is you fighting the Imperius curse. And then I went unconscious. Oh James! You were so wonderful."

James shook his head, "Lils...you know I would never hurt you."

She smiled wider, "I do now. James, you fought off Voldemort. You saved me."

James shrugged, his face blushing, looking abashed, "Yes, well..."

"No, seriously, James. What can I ever do to repay you?"

James looked at her, a calculating gleam in his gaze, "Well, Lily...can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything, James."

He closed his eyes, then opened them slowly, "Lily, I...I...there's a reason why I asked you to go on that walk with me, and it's the same reason why I could throw off the Imperius curse."

"What's that?"

"Lily...I love you. And I had hoped that maybe on that walk, maybe, you would...fall in love with me, too."

Lily's gaze was utterly shocked. She didn't say a word.

James bit his lip, "Come on, Lils! You can't honestly think that once we became friends my feelings would disappear. If anything, they hightened."

"You-you threw off the Imperius curse because you...you..."

"Love you, yeah." said James.

Lily took in a deep breath, "James...be serious."

"I've never been more serious in my life, Lils." His penetrating gaze caught her full on, and she couldn't look away from those mesmerizing hazel eyes so full of...of...of love.

"Oh, no, James. You..."

"Love you. More than I've ever loved anyone in my life."

Lily's hands started to shake, "James, I..."

Madam Pomfrey walked into the Hospital Wing at that moment, "How are my brave students? How you survived that I shall never know. Thank goodness Albus was there."

James and Lily nodded politely at her.

She smiled warmly, "You two have some visitors who are threatening to break down my door if I don't let them in. I daresay it would be wise to do so."

Lily chuckled weakly and James nodded, "Yeah, it would."

She threw open the doors and six ruffled people fell into the Wing, stumbling.

Dorcas and Emmeline rushed over to Lily's bed while the four marauders congregated together.

"Are you guys okay?" asked Dorcas breathlessly, "We heard...we heard..."

James raised his eyebrows, "What did you hear?"

Emmeline and Dorcas hoisted themselves onto Lily's bed while Remus answered, "We heard that you ran into Voldemort."

Dorcas and Peter winced while the rest stayed calm at the mention of his name.

Lily nodded, "It's true. He tried to get James to kill me, but he fought valiantly. Thankfully, Dumbledore saved us once we blacked out."

"Oh my god!" mouthed Emmeline, silent in awe and shock.

Sirius was pale and clammy, not his usual suave self, "Mate, Prongs...I was so worried..."

James grinned, "First of all, Sirius, you sound like a bloody girl," Sirius scowled while the rest laughed appreciatively, "And second, you know I'm invincible. Nothing can do away with James Potter."

"Except Lily Evans, maybe." whispered Peter to James, careful not to let the girls overhear, waggling his eyebrows.

Remus elbowed Peter, "Shut it, Wormtail."

Lily looked over at James, "Well, actually...encountering Voldemort isn't the only thing of importance that has happened recently."

James frowned. She couldn't be talking about what he had told her about him loving her, could she? That was private.

But the next words out of Lily's mouth shocked James just as much as it shocked the rest, "I love James."

Dorcas fell off the bed, dragging Emmeline down with her. Sirius knocked a chair over, Peter looked taken aback, and Remus shouted, "WHAT?!"

But James did not join in their obvious displays of amazement. He looked over at Lily. Her sparkling green eyes met his deep hazel and they shared a smile. A secret smile. A smile of love.

* * *

Lily could feel her hand starting to sweat, and she was eternally thankful that James was wearing gloves. She stared down at her hand. She couldn't see it. James's was larger and his covered up hers. Though he wore gloves, and she couldn't feel his hand, she loved the warmth, the closeness of it. Such a simple thing. Holding hands. Yes, she sounded like a twelve year old with her first boyfriend, but it was things like this that made Lily love having James as a boyfriend, love having him as a friend, and love him, period. Holding hands, small pecks on the cheek between classes, an arm around her shoulders when they sat in the grass. Bliss. Pure bliss. Never before had she had this feeling. This feeling of unadulterated, pure, love.

James walked randomly through Hogsmeade, clutching Lily's hand. He looked down an smiled at her. She smiled back. It was weird. She felt so shy...but...it was just, James.

Sirius suddenly ran out of the owl post shop clutching a letter looking extremely harried. He skidded to a stop in front of James and Lily.

James frowned at him, "What's eating you, Padfoot?"

"I just...my uncle...he sent..." he stopped to catch his breath, "My uncle Alphard!"

Lily cocked her head bemusedly, "Sirius, why would someone in your family be writing to you? I thought they disowned you."

He shook his head, "No idea. Never liked Alphard. But...Prongs, guess what?!"

"What?"

He grinned widely, "He died!"

Lily stared at him, "Happy occasion?"

He waved his hand at her impatiently, "No, no, no. He died and left all his money to me!"

"What?!" cried James and Lily in unison.

He smiled at their expressions, "Yeah. I know. Unbelievable. But it's true. I swear."

James looked at him disbelievingly, "Sirius, mate, this is incredible."

"I know!" cried Sirius, "You know what this means?"

"What?"

He smirked, "Smart, aren't you Prongsie?"

James rolled his eyes, and Lily spoke up, "Go on, Sirius."

He sighed, "I can finally get my own place and get out of your hair."

James's eyes widened, "Padfoot, you don't have to-"

Sirius grinned wider, "It's okay, Prongs. You don't have to pretend. I know you want me gone."

And with that Sirius ran off to catch up with Peter and Remus in Zonko's.

James stared after him.

Lily squeezed his hand to remind him that she was still there, "Hey, Jamie. It's okay."

James twitched oddly, "What? There's nothing wrong."

"James," said Lily understandingly, "I know you don't want him to go. He's like your brother."

He shrugged, "I don't have any problem with it. In fact, I want him to go. I'll have my room to myself finally."

Lily stared into his guarded hazel eyes, "James, like Sirius said, you don't have to pretend with me. I know it's hard."

James sat down on a bench, pulling Lily down with him, then discreetly wiping his eyes, "I know it's stupid. I couldn't have thought that Sirius would want to stay with us forever."

Lily nodded understandingly.

James ruffled his hair in worry, "I was an idiot to think that he would stay. It's just...I'm going to miss him is all. He's my best mate, you know?"

"I know."

He turned to stare at her, "You get me."

She chuckled, "Whatever do you mean?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. Just...you get what I'm thinking, and what I'm feeling...you know. You get me like no one else does."

She smiled lovingly, "James, the only reason I get you is because you get me."

He smiled at her, "We get each other."

* * *

Peter sat down at the common room table. The room was deserted. He stared at the headline of _The Daily Prophet_. It read: _Voldemort's supporters subject to torture by Barty Crouch_.

He nodded. He agreed with Barty Crouch and his philosophies. These people were evil. Why not punish them? Why not fight fire with fire? They certainly deserved it, they way they were tearing families apart. Peter's own father had been killed by Mulciber and Avery. Two of You-know-who's death eaters who had been scarcely a year old than Peter. They had just graduated, and already they had joined forces with He-who-must-not-be-named. Evil. That was all they were, and they deserved to be treated with evil right back. Peter wanted these people punished for their crimes and for the injustice. He would stop at nothing to see to it that you-know-who and all of his death eaters got what they deserved.

* * *


	6. Howl At the Moon

James sat down in the most plush chair that he could find in the expansive room. The four marauders were stationed in the Room of Requirement and it had mutated itself to become their mischief-making headquarters. Scarlet drapes hung on the walls, the floor was carpeted in a thick, fluffy gold. Four plush velvet chairs were situated around a large table on which pieces of parchment, quills, unending food and sweets, and four wands were placed.

Sirius cleared his throat tapping the map with his wand, "Ahem. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Now, this meeting is starting. Mr. Moony has a suggestion to make. Mr. Moony, you have the floor."

"Thank you, Mr. Padfoot." Said Remus looking around at the rest of them, "Now, as we've got Lily to fall for Mr. Prongs much faster than I ever thought possible, I suggest that we come up with a new master plan. One more mischievous, ruckus-making, and much, much, more stupid."

"I like the way you think, Mr. Moony," Said James smiling at Remus, "A stupid plan would be great fun, but...what?"

The four of them sat, in a circle, stumped, thinking.

Peter slammed his hand down on the table, "We should enchant the suits of armor to follow Snape to his classes!"

Sirius waved his hand, "Don't be a moron, Mr. Wormtail. We did that in fourth year."

"No need to be rude, Mr. Padfoot."

"Sorry, Mr. Moony."

"That's quite all right Mr. Padfoot."

James laughed at the two of them, "Well...how about we let some nifflers loose in the castle? Snivellus wears so many of those gaudy gold rings, his fingers with practically be knawed off!"

Sirius grinned, "That's brilliant, Mr. Prongs!"

Remus smiled, "How many in favor?"

"Mr. Prongs in favor."

"Mr. Padfoot in favor."

"Mr. Wormtail in favor."

Remus nodded, "And Mr. Moony in favor."

He wrote down the plan on a piece of parchment. Next to the summary of the plan, he wrote the word _attempted_ and made a check box next to it. Then he wrote the words _failed _and_succeeded_ next to that, and drew a check box next to each of those.

Sirius pulled the parchment towards him and checked the box next to _attempted_.

James sighed and stroked the arm of his chair, "Do you all realize that once we leave the marauder empire will be lost?"

Remus patted his arm, "It's hard to believe, Prongs, but we'll have to get used to it."

Peter sniffed theatrically, "It's the end of an era..."

James looked around at them all and they all joined hands. He sighed, "Friends for life?"

"For life." They repeated.

"Never betray each other?" asked Sirius.

"Never betray." they said simultaneously.

"Never fail each other?" asked Remus.

"Never fail." They chanted in unison.

Peter stared at them all, "Marauders till the end of time?"

They clutched each other's hands harder, "Marauders forever."

* * *

Lily sat with Dorcas and Emmeline under the beech tree by the lake. It was a beautiful day, and the sun was bringing out the blond highlights in Dorcas's light brown toffee-colored hair. Emmeline was toying with her black hair and looking out over the lake. A peaceful, contented silence hung over the three of them. They had just eaten lunch so they were extremely full and fit to burst.

Lily smiled up at the sun, a stake suddenly piercing through her heart. This was the last year they would ever have to relax on the grass, enjoying each other's company like this. She felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

Emmeline looked over in shock, "Lils! Whats wrong?" Roused by Emmeline's voice, Dorcas looked over too, worried.

Lily laughed, her eyes red, "Oh, it's nothing, love. Just...a little emotional, I guess."

"Why are you emotional?" asked Dorcas in her usual blunt fashion.

Lily sighed, "It's just...I don't know...I'm going to miss all of you is all."

"Miss us when?" asked Emmeline, her brow furrowing.

"When we all have our own professions and we're far away from each other. Did you realize that this year is the last chance we have to relax with each other, unlimited leisure time. After school, we just might drift apart, and never see each other again."

Dorcas scowled, "Don't be silly. That will never happen. We love each other."

Emmeline nodded fervently, "I won't ever leave either of you."

Lily smiled and snuggled closer to the two of them, "Promise?"

Emmeline and Dorcas rolled their eyes like she was being silly, but nevertheless, they nodded, "Promise."

* * *

Lily walked down the grounds with Dorcas. Emmeline was throwing a quaffle back and forth with Gideon Prewett on the quidditch field.

Dorcas skipped absentmindedly in a circle around Lily as they walked, "Lils? Can I ask you something?"

Lily raised her eyebrows, "Do go on, meadowes."

She smiled, "Do you think I have a chance with Sirius?"

Lily gaped, "Sirius?! But Ems likes Sirius!"

She snickered, "I know. I just said that to get your attention. You were staring off into space, and it was creeping me out! You were _this close _drooling."

Lily frowned, "Not funny, Dorcas."

"Okay, okay. Sorry, love."

Lily sighed, "It's okay. Now, is there something you actually wanted to ask me, or was that it?"

She shook her head, "I wanted to ask you...well...do you think I have a chance with Remus?"

Lily looked up in surprise, "Remus? Hmm...I don't know. He likes that second year girl in ravenclaw, doesn't he? Nymphadora?"

Dorcas shrugged, "I guess. But it's kind of weird. A seventeen year old liking a twelve year old?"

Lily shrugged back, "I dont know. He really seems to like her. And you know, if he was twenty five and she was twenty, nobody would look twice."

"I suppose. It's just disappointing, you know? He's so sweet, and smart, and he's nothing like the rest of the guys in our year."

"I know, love, I know." said Lily, rubbing Dorcas's shoulders. They were crossing into the forbidden forest now and it was well past midnight.

"I guess I don't love him or anything, it's just a crush, so it should go away s-aah!" Dorcas screamed in terror. A full-grown werewolf was staring the two girls in the face.

Lily stared in dumb wonderment at it. It was so terrifying, yet so gentle-looking. It growled, baring its teeth at them.

Dorcas grabbed Lily's arm and clutched it in fright, "Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no no no!" she mumbled, a note of panic apparent in her voice.

Lily rubbed her shoulder trying to calm her down, "If we just back away slowly it may leave us alone."

Dorcas nodded and the two of them took a step backward, but immediately retraced their step because the werewolf, at the sight of them moving had let out an ear-piercing howl and if possible, looked more menacing than ever.

"Oh what do we do? What do we do, what do we do?" moaned Dorcas.

Before Lily could say anything a handsome stag bounded out of the trees and onto the werewolf. It was shortly followed by a huge, black, bearlike dog who nipped at the werewolf's heels until it turned around and fled.

The stag and dog ran after it into the darkness without a backwards look.

Stumbling over their own feet, the two girls scrambled to get out of the forest. Lily let out a cry, tripped over a tree root, and fell facedown in the dirt. A rat had scurried past her feet.

"Come **on**, Lils! It could come back."

Before they could move another inch, James, Sirius, and Peter came walking through the trees towards them.

"Hello girls," Said James coming up and kissing Lily, "Hello, sweetheart."

"What are doing here?" demanded Dorcas.

Sirius scowled, "I think the question is what are **you** doing here? We were merely hexing trees as we are now being followed by a battalion of prefects to make sure we don't hex slytherins."

Lily massaged her ankle, "We were just walking through the forest when a bloody werewolf came bounding out of the trees toward us. It howled every time we moved so we didn't know what to do when-"

Dorcas took over, "An enormous, giant bloody stag and a huge, bearlike dog jumped on him and chased him off, then they ran off too."

James looked them in the eyes, "That was us."

Lily frowned, "What?"

Sirius's eyes flashed at James, "What are you doing, Prongs?"

Peter gasped, "Don't tell them, James!"

"Why not?" he demanded, "They're not going to tell anyone."

"Tell anyone what?!" asked Dorcas impatiently.

Sirius gave James a shrug and a look that clearly said _tell them if you want to, but I'm not going to help you_.

James nodded, "Well...Remus is a werewolf."

"What?!"

James nodded again, "No interruptions, please."

"Sorry." whispered Dorcas.

"Well...he is, he was bitten as a young boy. And...his transformations were really painful and lonely. Dumbledore lets him transform in the shrieking shack. Those aren't ghosts making that racket."

Lily gazed in wonderment, "You mean..."

"It was Remus. His transformations were so terrible that...in our fifth year we decided to help him so that he would have more fun transforming, and so that he wouldn't be as lonely."

"What did you do?" asked Dorcas.

James grinned, "We became animagus's."

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Lily and Dorca

"But-but-but that's, like, intense, magical skill! Even the most trained wizards can't perform that spell! And you did it as fifth years?!" Lily spluttered incredulously.

He grinned in reply.

"It's-it's a miracle you didn't kill yourselves."

Sirius smiled, "Yeah, well, Prongs and I figured it out pretty well, and we helped Peter."

Peter scowled in return.

James sighed impatiently, "May I continue? So, that stag you saw was me, that dog you saw was Sirius, and Peter here, is a rat."

Dorcas shook her finger at the three of them, "So that's why!"

"Why what?"

"Prongs...Padfoot...Wormtail..."

James grinned happily, glad that she was catching on, "Yeah."

But that wasn't what astonished Lily, "Poor Remus..."

Sirius nodded, "It's a sad tale."

James nodded solenmly, "Everybody seems to leave Remus out of this, even though he's the most important component."

**More coming soon! Well, not of chapter 6, thats done, but I'm writing chapter 7! You know the drill...read...review...read...review...repeat 60 more times and you'll live forever!**


	7. Leaving You for Now

"Lily! Lily you have to come down here now!"

Lily dashed down the stairs two at a time into the common room at the rousing of Sirius's frantic voice. She skidded to a stop so close to him that she almost ran into him.

"What is it, Sirius?" she asked. He had a harried, worried expression adorning his facade, and he seemed desperate.

"James recieved a letter this morning and..."

Lily frowned, "And?"

"His parents were murdered by Abraxas Malfoy." He whispered, his face white.

Lily gasped and pressed her hand to her heart, "Oh, no...no, no, no! James!"

Sirius nodded fervently, "You have to go, Lily, you're the only one who can help him. I think he's going to try to drown himself in the lake."

Lily nodded, swallowing a lump of worry, "Yeah, yeah, I'll...I'll go right now."

She rushed past Sirius and out the portrait hole, trying her hardest to get to the grounds as fast as she could. Her poor James. She couldn't imagine losing her parents. How, how was she going to make James feel better? When Sirius said that she was the only one who could help him, she wasn't too sure of that.

She stopped when she reached the beech tree next to the lake. He was there, on a rock jutting out of the lake, standing tall, ready to dive, his arms thrown back in a position reminiscent of _Titanic_.

He was really going to do it. He was really going to throw himself into the lake without a second glance.

"James Potter you get down from there this instant!" she yelled, her voice reaching a breaking point.

He turned in surprise to look at her, and his arms dropped limply to his sides, "Lily, I'm sorry. I love you, but I can't stay here." and with that he spread his arms out once more andtook a deep breath.

Lily shook from head to toe, "James don't be an idiot! Get down from there!"

He stayed resolutely still.

She tried a different tactic, "James, in case you haven't noticed, I care about you a great deal, and if you kill yourself I shall have to kill myself as well."

"Don't you dare." he said, not facing her.

She took a deep breath and continued, letting some of her internal tears show in her voice, "James, don't you care about me enough to stay here with me? I know your parents are gone and you think you're alone, but you're wrong. You've got me. I love you, James, and you love me. Isn't that enough for you to stay?"

He turned slightly, looking undecided.

"James, don't be a fool! Come down here and stay with me and my love for you."

His hands shook visibly.

"James..."

"I'm sorry, Lily, I love you more than I can stand, but I'll gain more going to join them than I will staying here with you. You can live without me...I'm not that wonderful and you could have someone better, but I can't live without them."

Lily let out a sob, "James...you're breaking my heart."

He turned all the way and saw the tears coursing down her cheeks. He ran down off the rock and onto the grass, crossing the green threshold to join her underneath the tree. She tried to hurriedly wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, but James beat her to it. He gazed at her wonderingly as he gently brushed away her tears.

"I can't stand hurting you, Lily. But this is something I have to do." he whispered.

"WHY?!" she asked, "Who told you to do this? Look at the world's history. Every time a parent dies, does their child drop their life, and their opportunities, and their happiness to go join them?"

"No."

"Then why must you?!" she asked desperately, "James, you say I can live without you, but I can't! Please, James, stay with me, have a life, be happy, fulfill yourself, make light of your chances, and become something great. I know your parents will be pleased with your decision."

He looked at the ground helplessly, and slowly placed his hand in hers. Lily slowly pulled him through the grounds and up to the castle.

As they walked, James looked down at her, "I'm sorry."

* * *

Emmeline skidded to a stop in midair, "Gideon, we should probably go back in, now!"

Gideon Prewett looked over at her from his keeper's goals, "Ok, Ems, let's go."

The two of them landed agilely on the grassy field and, shouldering their brooms, walked into the changing rooms.

Gideon shook his head at Emmeline, "Man, am I so glad that you're on our team now. With Sirius as our captain and beater, and James as a chaser, as well as you, we're going to thrash slytherin this saturday."

Emmeline nodded, "We're going to kill them! They'll be sorry they ever beat us last season."

Gideon laughed, "You're so funny. But...yeah, they will."

She brows furrowed but she was still smiling as she looked questioningly at Gideon, "What do you mean?"

"What do **you** mean?"

She laughed, "What do you mean when you say I'm funny?"

He looked at her as if she were mentally slow, "I mean...you're funny?"

She playfully punched him, "Shut it. No, I mean, like, you didn't just say 'oh, you're funny'. It sounded like you were making a revelation."

"A revelation?"

She nodded, "Yeah, and why would you be making revelations about me, of all people?"

"Do you really think of yourself so insignificantly?" He asked quietly, and then, he took her face in his hands, and pressed his lips against hers.

* * *

"You WHAT?!" screeched Dorcas in amazement.

Emmeline bit her lip as she stared at her two friend's incredulous faces, "I kissed Gideon Prewett."

Lily put her hands over her mouth, "Oh my god, Ems! I can't believe this."

Dorcas shook her head in disbelief, "I thought you liked Sirius!"

Emmeline shrugged, "Yes, I do still like him a lot, but my reasoning is that, Sirius never pays attention to me, with his thousands of beautiful girlfriends, but Gideon does! And so what if I don't love him wildly? I could learn to love him. And he's a really nice guy and I **know** for a fact that he won't ever hurt me and that he'll be a great boyfriend."

Lily pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, "Emmeline Vance! You can't go out with someone if you don't really feel something for them!"

"Well, maybe, but it's not that I don't feel anything for him! I do really like him. Just...not as much as I like Sirius. But I only like Sirius because up until now I've been alone, and he seemed like the only option. It's like I was blind...I didn't see that there were some other possibilities. And Gideon is handsome, and funny, and smart, and sweet. I could be really happy with him."

Dorcas smiled, "Okay, fine. You go be happy. Just remember that his twin, Fabian, is dating Zoe Chang, and I **know** you don't like her, and because they're twins, you and Zoe will probably be thrown together a lot."

Emmeline scowled, "Stop. I'm going to go for it."

* * *

"She's WHAT?!" exclaimed Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes, "I wish people would stop saying that, I swear, my bloody eardrums are going to burst."

Sirius looked over at James, "Can you believe this? Emmeline and Gideon Prewett?!"

James shrugged, "He's goodlooking and nice, and he likes her. So what?"

Sirius shrugged in return, "I just...he won't treat her well!"

Lily smirked, "Yes he will! He's a perfect gentleman."

James smiled at Sirius, "Sirius? I think you're jealous, mate."

Sirius's jaw dropped, "I am **not**!"

Lily laughed, "Don't act so offended, Sirius. She's a very awesome girl."

Sirius shook his head, "No, no, no. That's not how it is. I like her as a friend-"

But Sirius's attempts to convince his friends that he did not like Emmeline Vance were in vain, as the two of them soon broke out into a childish song.

"Sirius and Ems sitting in a tree-k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" Then Lily and James burst out laughing.

Sirius scowled turning away from them, "Oh, yes, very mature."

Lily laughed, "Sirius, it's ok! Look, if you want Emmeline, just go tell her you like her before she falls completely in love with Gideon instead of you."

Sirius toyed with the bookmark stuck between the pages of his potions textbook, "Maybe...maybe I should do that."

* * *

**Love all of your reviews, and those of you who haven't reviewed, please do so! I love feedback! So...read and review more and I hope you love the end of chapter 7 because chapter 8 is coming soon, in which an exciting dismissal of love, encounter with evil, and jokes with friends occur!**


	8. Vulnerability Bites

"Emmeline..." whispered Sirius, tapping her lightly on the shoulder. Her short black hair was swaying in the wind as she stared at the lake glinting in the sunlight as she stood under the beech tree. Sirius was so scared. He had always had many meaningless relationships with many ditzy girls who only liked him for his looks. But what if this was **it** for real? What if he would finally fall in love, what if this was his one chance to have a real relationship?

She turned and smiled when she saw him, "Hey, Sirius. What's up?"

He wiped his hands on the insides of his robes. He was not accustomed to being this nervous. Usually girls were nervous of him! Not the other way around.

"Um, can-can we talk?" he asked, stuttering unnecessarily.

She nodded amicably and sat down on the grass, patting the fresh green patch next to her, indicating that Sirius should sit there.

He lowered himself warily onto the grass, "Um, so I wanted to talk to you."

She grinned, "Well I kinda gathered that, Sirius, I didn't really think you wanted to murder me or anything."

He let out a shaky laugh, but he squeaked and stopped, "Yeah. So, um, I heard that you're going out with Gideon Prewett."

She smiled, glowing, "Wow. Gossip really travels fast, doesn't it? Well, yes, I am."

He nodded, focusing all his attention on pulling blades of grass out of the ground, "Yeah. Well, I just...I don't think it's the best decision."

She frowned, "Why not?"

He took a shaky breath, "Um, well, because you could have someone else."

She let out a disbelieving laugh, "Oh, really? Who? Snape?"

He gave her a crooked smile, "Well, no. I meant...well...I meant me."

She went silent. You could have heard of pin drop. The only sounds as Emmeline stared at her hands and contemplated Sirius's comment were Sirius's heavy breathing as he awaited her answer, and the twittering of the birds in the tree above.

Her head suddenly snapped up and she looked him in the eyes, "Sirius. You can't do this!"

He was very confused now, "Do what?"

"You can't just-just come in here and ruin everything! I loved you, Sirius. I **loved** you. But you never gave me a second glance. And now, now that I've finally got a boyfriend and a chance at happiness you come barging in here and mess up everything! I was all set to give Gideon a chance even though I don't like him as much as you. I was all set to forget you and get on with my life. This-this just isn't fair to me, Sirius!"

He stared at her, openmouthed, "I didn't-didn't mean to ruin things, Em. I just never realized how much I like you until you were taken. I really really like you, Em, and I think you would be happier with me than you will be with Prewett."

"I don't doubt that Sirius, but...you're just-you're too late! You had your chance and you blew it. I'm with Gideon now, and you'll just have to deal with that. I know that I never really occured to you as a romantic interest because we were friends, and I know forbidden fruit is always more tempting, but, Sirius, I just wish you could have figured this out earlier when I was still hopelessly in love with you." And with that, Emmeline stood up and left, leaving Sirius feeling helpless, being shot down the one time he was ever vulnerable in his life.

* * *

Peter frowned grumpily, "Why do **I** have to stand watch?"

James grinned, "Because if we let you do anything else, Wormy, you would mess it up."

Peter put his hands on his hips, "I would **not**!"

Remus smiled, "Don't be so indignant. Now go stand watch like a good marauder watchdog."

Peter still looked grouchy but nevertheless turned around in front of the care of magical creatures hut to stand watch.

James, Sirius, and Remus tiptoed their way into the hut and gasped once they saw the contents. Hundreds of magical creatures inhabited it. Some they had seen, some they had not. Some looked dangerous, some looked no more menacing than a puffball. But they could not stand here and gaze in wonderment at the plethora of animal life. They were here for one thing. To steal a niffler.

The three of them made their way through rows and rows of enchanting creatures until they finally reached the cage at the end full of fluffy black creatures.

Sirius whispered dejectedly, "_Alohamora_," he had been in a morose mood ever since his talk with Emmeline.

The latch to the cage undid and the door swung open. James glanced around and hurriedly reached a hand inside and pulled out two nifflers. They struggled slightly as he pulled at them to chew off his watch. Remus opened a leather bag and James dumped the two animals inside.

The three of them sowly walked out of the hut and the night air hit their faces like knives.

"Psst, Wormy!" hissed Remus as Peter turned around in surprise.

His eyes traveled over their faces, "Did you get the nifflers?"

Sirius nodded and the three of them traveled silently up to the castle. They then walked through the halls underneath the invisibility cloak which could just barely cover them now as they were all so tall.

They reached the entrance to the slytherin common room and Sirius whispered, "_Mudblood"_

The stone wall slid open and the marauders let the nifflers loose into the common room. They slid the door shut before the nifflers could sneak back into the hall. James, Remus and Peter burst out laughing as the four marauders made their way back up to the common room, but Sirius moped as he dragged his feet up the stairs. He seemed like he would never have fun again.

* * *

**Yes, yes, yes...more soon! Review review review! Chapter 9 is coming soon!**


	9. Love First

"James?" Lily whispered, coming to sit next to him as Transfiguration was starting.

He turned and smiled weakly at her, "Hullo, sweetheart."

She clutched his hand and opened her transfiguration textbook waiting for Professor McGonagall to start the class.

He kissed her cheek, "Lily, I'm okay, you know that?"

She nodded, "I know."

He shook his head, "No, I don't think you do. You always seem worried about me, but I just want you to know, that...I'm ok. I won't ever be the same again. My parents died when I was young and I loved them very much, so I won't be the same, like I said, but I just want you to know that I love you and that I couldn't have gotten through this if not for you."

She smiled and kissed him back, "I love you too, and I'm so glad that I could help."

His eyebrows furrowed, "You know we only have a few weeks until school is out."

She sighed, "I know. I'm so worried. I'm so scared that I won't ever see Dorcas or Em or Sirius or...or.." she broke off to wipe away a stray tear, "or you,"

He turned worriedly towards her, "Sweetheart, I promise I'll never leave you." but he couldn't say more because Professor Mcgonnagall walked into the room and started the class so they couldn't talk anymore.

"James?" asked Lily as the two of them lay in the grass side by side. It was the end of a long friday and the prospect of three more weeks of school stared them in the face.

"Yes?" he asked, not questioning anything else.

"Do you think we'll ever see each other again after school?" asked Lily a note of worry coloring her voice.

"Of course," he replied without a doubt, his voice full of nonchalance.

She smiled at him, "You think so?"

"Definitely. I plan on seeing my wife everday, but if you think that's a farfetched dream then maybe we should discuss this."

She looked at him in a mingled look of alarm and surprise, "What?!"

"You don't plan on us getting married?" he asked, evidently surprised.

She looked unsure if she should grin or look worried, "You **do**?"

He laughed, "Not immediately, but...I hope so. I mean, I love you. I want to be your husband, I want you to be my wife."

She sat up, her back hunched over her cross-legged form, "Well, I never really thought about getting married."

"You don't want to get married? Well, not to me, but to anybody?"

She shrugged, "I just never really counted on, on being a **wife**." she crinkled her nose at the term as if it smelt bad.

He smiled, "What's wrong with being a wife?"

"It's so...so confining!" she exclaimed.

"Confining? I don't understand." he wore an expression of utter bemusement.

"Well...I just don't like being someone's property, being joined so closely with someone." Lily shook her head, her long red tendrils flying.

He slid his hand into hers, "Well, Lils, I would never consider you my property. You're your own person! You know I would never be that sexist! And, to the being closely joined, don't you want to have companionship, to have never-ending love, to always have someone there for you no matter what? I don't see what's wrong with being joined with someone as long as you love them."

She shrugged, "Don't get me wrong, James, I love you, I **do**," she added at James's skeptical expression, "But I just can't see myself as a wife."

"Okay, Lily, picture this. You and I, in a house in the future, my hair is greying, your face is lining. We've both put on weight. You reach down into a crib to pick up a beautiful baby with my black hair and your green eyes, and as I watch you with it, and as you watch me laugh at its antics, we both know, that no matter that we've lost our charms and our looks, it doesn't matter, because we will **always** love each other." he cut off and stared at her, waiting for her reaction, "What do you think of that?"

She hung her hand down, keeping her eyes trained on her hands in her lap, her long red hair covering her face from view, "I think...I think that I hope that our baby will have my hair instead of yours."

She turned and smiled at him, and as he understood her words, an expression of heartfelt delight spread across his face, "Lily?" he asked, breathlessly, "Do you really mean it? Do you want to marry me?"

She smiled and squeezed both of his large hands in her long ones, "Yes, yes I do. Because I love you."

Emmeline sat down next to Gideon in the great hall, "Hi, Gideon."

He turned and smiled at her, "Hi, sweetheart." he pressed his lips to her forehead than turned to finish eating her breakfast.

Something as simple as that. As simple as a peck on the forehead, sent a curious sensation through Emmeline. It was nothing like the things she had read about in the books or seen in the movies. She did not think that she was in love. It was just that, every time Gideon did something affectionate, Emmeline felt repulsed. And it hurt her so much to feel this, because Gideon was handsome, and sweet, and wonderful. He just didn't send her heart racing, and her blood flowing. And she beat herself up for that because so many people would kill to have a boyfriend as wonderful as Gideon, and she didn't appreciate him nearly as much as she knew she should.

Sirius walked into the great hall and sat on Emmeline's other side. She knew it was on purpose. He had been flaunting himself in front of her on purpose the whole week ever since she had rejected him. She felt shivers fly up her spine as she felt his warm arm pressed next to hers, and she felt traitorous feelings permeating her mind. She hated herself and she couldn't stand that she was feeling this way about Sirius whom she had professed to not care about because he was too late and Gideon had stolen her heart. But that wasn't true. Gideon had never stolen her heart. Her heart had been and remained, as always, Sirius's.

**A/N: hey hey hey! end of chapter 9...yes, i know it's short, but there wasn't enough content to put in, whatevs...i hope you liked it! Please read and review more! and watch out for Chapter 10!**


	10. Loving You

Sirius was sitting in the grass, under the beech tree, pulling out some of the green blades and slowly shredding them in sadness. Emmeline and Gideon, Gideon and Emmeline. They looked fantastic together, and were fantastic together. Sirius closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He leaned back against the tree, and heaved a big sigh. It seemed that everyone who was obligated to love him in his life didn't, and now the one person he actually wanted to love him didn't as well.

--

"And Vance passes to Potter, Potter streaks down the pitch, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, oh, the slytherin keeper Mulciber saves it. Avery in possesion of the quaffle, he zooms down the field, and a well placed bludger by Black knocks him out! Fabian gathers the quaffle and passes to Vance, passes to Potter, and YES! I don't believe it, he's scored! Slytherin chaser Yaxley takes the quaffle and, streaks down the pitch Black knocks out this one as well! Oh no, looks like Black ticked off the Slytherin end! Now Nott and Black are both attempting to beat bludgers at each other! Hey! Black! That's not captain behavior!" Sirius turned to grin up at Remus who was doing the commentary, and turned around to go hit a bludger at Yaxley.

"Now, Yaxley flys down the field, and, it looks like he's going to score-oh! Gidoen saves it, miraculously! And, I don't believe my eyes! Just as Gryffindor scores, Jones finds the snitch! GRYFFINDOR WINS!"

The screams of Gryffindors surrounded everyone, and the team smushed together in a massive hug, laughing with joy. They had won the cup! Gideon landed next to Emmeline and planted a large kiss on her, Sirius turned away in disgust. The rest of the team didn't notice, they were way too busy celebrating to pay attention to anything other than their happiness at procuring the cup for their house.

Sirius went one by one, as captain shaking all of his player's hands. He grinned at James as he shook his hand, he shook Fabian Prewett's, and Gideon's grudgingly, he shook Jones and Dearborn's hands, and finally, ended up in front of Emmeline in the changing rooms. The rest of the team had gone up to the common room to celebrate, but Sirius had to take this chance.

Emmeline saw him standing in the doorway of the changing rooms, and a funny sensation flew through her, like her blood suddenly rushed to her heart and shivers flew down to her fingertips. She knew what she had to do. She loved him. She had to do this. Looking at Sirius sadly, she pulled him to sit on the bench next to her in the changing rooms.

His lower lip quivered, "Look, Em, I know you think I'm too late, and I am, and you're right I should-"

"Shh," said Emmeline to his wondering expression, "Sirius." and leaving it at that she brought his head forward and kissed him with as much abandon as she could muster. A magical feeling swept through her. She felt like she could see a bright sun through her closed eyelids and every part of her body shivered right down to her fingertips. And as she kissed him she thought **this**, now this was what she thought love was all about.

Sirius gasped as the two of them parted, "Emmeline!" she raised her eyebrows, and he had the grace to look embarrassed, "Just...Em, why?"

She interwound her fingers with his, and held them tight, "Because I love you."

He gazed at her wonderingly, then pulled her so that her head rested against his tall frame, and he placed his chin on top of her head and whispered, "I love you, too."

The two of them stayed that way for a few more minutes, Emmeline's head resting on Sirius's chest, the top of her head perfectly fit into the hollow of his throat. As they stayed like that, Emmeline marveled at the warmth Sirius radiated, how he made her feel so safe and secure, how she could hear his heart beat, steady and strong. Sirius loved the way she felt, when she was pressed against him, with his arms around her, like she was his, and he was hers, and no one could change that. Sirius wondered at the feeling of belonging, oneness, and how he knew he could always depend on her, and she was the one person he knew would always know how he felt.

Sirius pulled away as something struck him, "Ems..."

She smiled at him, "Yes?"

He hated himself for asking this but he had too. It was the elephant in the room, "What...what about..." he swallowed nervously, "about...Gideon?"

He saw her turn and discreetly wipe away a stray tear, she sniffed, "I'll...I'll talk to him. I thought he was better for me. And he probably is better for me, but he's not the one who makes me happy. It's like, I need a someone like him. But I **want** more. And, Sirius, you're what I need, and what I want. You're everything and more."

He smiled happily down at her, "I could say the same about you."

--

Lily stared at the letter in her hands with shock. Utter shock.

James came over to her in the common room at her worried expression, "What is it, love?"

Her mouth hung open in horror, "My sister."

He grinned, "The devil one who thinks you're scary because you can do magic?"

She frowned, "It's not funny! My own **sister** hates me! Just because I can do magic. It's like, James, it's like I don't fit into either world. Here tons of people scorn me because I'm muggle-born and there my sister hates me because I can do magic!"

"Hey now," said James, cupping her face in his hands, "I know a world where you fit into."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically, "Oh, really? Where?"

"You fit into my world."

She laughed out loud, "If that isn't the corniest pick-up line I've ever heard!"

He pretended to look offended, "That wasn't a **line**! That came straight from my heart!"

"i'm so sure."

He grinned, "Anyways, what'd your sister do?"

She grimaced, "She's getting married. To the most obnoxious, annoying, rude man I have ever met."

"Well if it makes you feel better, I'll go with you."

She looked up at him in joy, "You will? Oh, James!" she knocked the air out his stomach as she hugged him in happiness, "Well, James, you know that we're supposed to act like I went to a distant art school and we have to make up a story for you, too."

She was sure he was surprised, but if he was, he didn't show it, "Anything. **Anything**, for you, love."

--

Regulus Black stared through the leaves of the tree to stare at his brother. He loved his brother. He was his brother! Of course he loved him. But nowadays it was getting harder to. Sirius was talking to blood traitors, mudbloods, and halfbreeds. He was consorting with the wrong people and though he knew Sirius had always hated their family and everything they stood for, Regulus still couldn't believe that his own brother was going out with Emmeline Vance, the blood traitor who's best friend was Lily Evans, the filthy mudblood, and that Sirius was best friends with James Potter, a blood traitor and boyfriend of a mudblood to boot! As he stared at his brother kissing Emmeline on the grass, he felt a new feeling, other than anger welling up in the pit of his stomach: shame.

--

Lily stared in shock down at the frilly horror of a dress Petunia had sent.

Dorcas fell over in a fit of giggles on her bed, "Oh, you're going to look just **darling** in that dress, Lils!"

Lily grit her teeth, "Meadowes! Don't you dare say a word! She's...she's my sister! I-I have to do this for her, even if it means wearing this...wearing this..."

Emmeline grinned, trying not to laugh, "Can you even call that ghastly concoction of bows and ribbons a dress?" this comment sent Dorcas into another spiel of laughter, and Lily had to wait exasperatedly until after she was done so that she could speak.

"Ok," Lily said, biting her bottom lip, "I just, I finally don't want her to hate me anymore."

Emmeline sighed, and flopped over on her bed, "Okay, Lily, fine. Just, don't...**don't** be disappointed if she doesn't change. You know that your mother was the one who made her invite you."

Lily sat down dejectedly on her bed as well, "I know, just, your sister's wedding, this should be an occasion of happiness for her happiness, but I'm just looking at this as an occassion to win back her heart."

Dorcas went to wind her arm around Lily's shoulders, "Lily, I know it's hard, because you're own sister doesn't love you," she started in her usual blunt fashion, "but just know that we do, and we'll try as hard as we can to fill her place."

Lily smiled, "Oh, thanks..." she sniffed and wiped away a tear, "Oh this is so **stupid**! I can't believe I'm crying! Well, Em, Meadowes, I just want you to know, that, I love you more than a friend, and if possible, more than a sister."

Emmeline rifled through the rest of the package, "Well, what are we to wear?"

"What?" Lily stared up at them, red-faced and surprised.

Dorcas grinned, "You didn't think we'd let you go alone, did you?"

"But, but James is already coming, and I don't think Petunia would like it too much if all of you showed up. Two magical people is enough for one night in her book."

Emmeline shrugged, "Oh, well, who cares what the stiff thinks? You're our best friend, it'll be a hard day for you, and we want to help you because we care about you."

Dorcas looked excited, "And we even got escorts! Em with Sirius and Remus agreed to take me, and we get to act like muggles, and..and not use magic!"

Lily chuckled, "It's harder than you think."

"Oh, well, Lily, we'll do it." said Emmeline.

Dorcas nodded, "We'll always be here for you."

--

**a/n: yay, so stay tuned for chapter 11! it'll be coming soon, and now that the weekend's here, I can do a lot more writing! so, please review review review!! That means you, Lily, Kelsey, and Gina! and all of you who I don't know but who always review who I love for reviewing! Please do so!! and yes, I made a longer chapter than usual for those of you who have been complaining that my chapters are getting shorter...**


	11. Wedding Bells Toll

The six of them apparated on the spot and landed just outside Number 4, Privet Drive. Dorcas and Emmeline immediately went to go marvel at the so obvious **muggleness** of it all. Remus and Sirius stood back, looking slightly reserved, but James went to go put his arm around Lily's waist. She liked it there. It gave her support, and comfort, and she knew that with James, and all of her wonderful friends, she could do this.

Lily went up to the front step with the rest of them following her, and rung the front doorbell. The door swung open and a tall, skinny, aged, but beautiful women stood behind it.

"Oh, Lily!" she cried, wrapping her arms around her youngest daughter, "How wonderful!"

Lily smiled, "Hello, Mum. It's great to see you too."

Lily's mother stood back to survey the rest of them, and her eyebrows went so high that they almost disappeared in her flaming red hair.

James stood forward before the rest of them could speak and extended his hand, "Hello, Mrs. Evans. I'm James Potter, your daughter's boyfriend."

Lily's mother gave him the once over, and once proving herself satisfied, she shook his hand energetically, "What a pleasure to meet you, after all Lily's written about you in her letters."

James smiled back at her, "It's very nice to meet you too after all that Lily's said about you."

Lily wrenched James's hand out of her mothers' to nip any further prolonging embarrassment and turned to introduce the rest, "Mum, these are my friends, Dorcas, Emmeline, Sirius, and Remus."

Mrs. Evans smiled at them all, and welcomed them into their home, "Unfortunately, I don't think we'll have enough places for you to stay a few days more after the wedding."

Sirius held up a hand, "Oh, no, we can't miss any more classes, once the wedding's over, we're going back to Hogwarts."

Mrs. Evans nodded, "Well that's reasonable. Come sit in the kitchen, Petunia will be down in a minute."

The six of them lounged around the wooden table, looking completely at ease in such a muggle-like atmosphere, all except the one person who actually grew up in a muggle home, Lily. She fidgeted in her chair, looking worried.

Finally after about ten minutes a tall, bony girl who looked on the verge of womanhood flounced down the stairs and into the kitchen. She stopped short when she saw all six of them, staring straight back at her.

"Lily!" she screamed, grabbing her sister by the ear and dragging her into the hall.

All of Lily's friends looked horrified, but leaned towards the door so they could make out the conversation.

"Tuny, they'll just be staying for the ceremony and then all of us will be gone! It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?!" hissed Petunia incredulously, "It is too a big deal that six...six mutants, six **freaks** will be attending my wedding!"

Lily growled, "Petunia, they're staying, and that's that! Now leave it be!"

"Lily, if they mess up one thing on this day, if they ruin one napkin, I swear..."

"Tuny, calm down! They'll be perfect ladies and gentlemen."

Petunia sneered, "they better be, and you better be, too! Now get out of my sight, I don't want your freakish stench ruining my perfume for the big day!"

and with that she flounced back up the stairs, and Lily, swearing, entered back into the kitchen.

Her five friends stared at her, openmouthed in horror. She was very tired and frustrated, but at the looks on their faces she had to laugh.

"All of you look as though you're fish out of water!"

James stood up to go stroke her hair, "How do you let her treat you like that?"

Lily sighed and went to sit down, "You get used to it. She's my sister, what can I do?"

"Some sister." snorted Sirius, but silenced himself at the look on Lily's face.

Lily shrugged, "All I can say is that I'm glad I'm not alone."

--

Lily walked through the yard, loving the feel of the wet grass underneath her bare feet. She went over to her makeshift swing hung from a tree branch. Her mind flashbacked to when she was a child and she used to be so exhilarated just by the feeling of the air rushing underneath her and by her. She remembered, with a pang, how she and Petunia used to swing, and how they were inseperable.

Things had changed so much. Now Petunia wouldn't so much as look at her. Lily wouldn't even be here if her mother hadn't insisted on it. Petunia was her sister. Her sister! Lily fought back tears as she remembered how the two of them ran through the yard together, how they used to swing on the same swing Lily was sitting on now. How Petunia loved her younger sister, how they used to tease each other, how, when Lily was scared of an insect or the other, Petunia would take care to brush it away so that Lily's path was clear. How Petunia cared about Lily and how Petunia would never let anyone do anything to hurt her little sister. How ironic it was that, now, Petunia herself was the one doing the hurting.

"Lily?"

Lily turned her head around to see Sirius standing in the grass, a few feet away looking worried. Lily smiled, and shifted over on the swing to make room for Sirius.

He went over, but remained standing hesitantly before the swing, "You sure it'll hold both of us?"

She shrugged, "We'll just have to find out, won't we?"

He grinned, and sat down carefully. It creaked slightly, but held.

"Are you ok?"

Lily was surprised to hear the concern in his voice, "I'm fine. Why?"

He averted his eyes from her, "Well, just, you seem kind of pensive ever since..." though his words remained unspoken, she knew that he was obviously worried about the complete display of hate in the kitchen earlier that day.

Lily rested her head on his shoulder. James was wonderful in every way, and he was more than she could ask for, but he just, **couldn't** understand this feeling of sibling abandonment. He was an only child. But Sirius got it. He understood. And not just because he had a brother, but because his family was estranged from him, just as her sister was from her.

"It's just...I can't help thinking how much things have changed."

"Changed how?" Sirius, though he may have seemed blunt, insensitive, and annoyingly conceited and popular, could be very caring and affectionate really. Lily was glad that her future husband's best friend cared about her. He was her friend, too.

"Changed...we used to be so close, and ever since that fateful day, seven years ago, she's hated me. I just wish we could go back to the way things were."

He rested his head on top of hers, "I know how it is. You feel that it's wrong, it's...unnatural. She's your kin. She should love you."

"That, and also...I know what it's like to have a protective, loving older sister, but now it's like that wonderful sister has been replaced with a demon one who doesn't...who **can't** love me."

Sirius nodded, "I know. It's hard. But Lily, you know that she doesn't matter anymore if she doesn't care enough to love you, because there are a lot of people who do."

Tears leaked from Lily's eyes, "Like you, you mean?"

He shifted uncomfortably, but made no move to move his head, "Not exactly. I meant, like Em, and Dorcas. They love you like a sister."

"And you don't?"

"I suppose being your brother wouldn't be too agregiously horrible, either."

"OI!"

Sirius and Lily turned to look in surprise at the direction the yell had come from. James was standing on Lily's back porch, looking utterly betrayed.

Sirius stood up immediately, "Prongs, it's not like that?"

James took a few staggering steps toward Sirius, "Not like that, eh? Don't pretend like I don't know what you were doing! What about Emmeline, huh, **mate**? She just wasn't enough for you?"

Sirius looked at him in horror, "Prongs I'm your best mate!"

"Exactly why it's so terrible!"

Lily looked from James's face to Sirius's, and comprehension dawned when she realized what it must have looked like to James when he saw the two of them, close together, in a restive position.

"James, Sirius didn't, I didn't!" she cried, determined to stop it before it started.

Sirius looked mad now, "I'm your best mate! I'm your best mate! Can't you trust me?"

Lily stood up and moved to go stand by James, "And can't you trust **me**? James, I love you, sweetheart."

James gazed over her head to stare at Sirius, "So, you didn't...you weren't..."

Sirius shook his head in disgust, "Of course not."

James's shoulders sagged in relief, "Oh. Sorry, padfoot."

Sirius shook his head once more, "Normally I would get mad, but now's not a good time." and with that he walked into the house.

James looked down at Lily and said, "Sorry." sheepishly.

She rolled her eyes, "It's ok. Just, dont, ever freak out like that again. I don't like you over protective."

He laughed, "So what were you talking to Sirius about."

"My sister."

James narrowed his eyes at her mention, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She smiled, and pulled his arm over her shoulders, "That's ok, we hashed it out good enough."

He looked pained for a moment, "You know..."

"I know what?"

He shrugged, "You do know that...you can talk to **me** about these things too."

"No I can't, James. You just, you don't understand. You've never been abandoned by a sibling. You grew up in a place of warmth, wealth, and happiness. You never had to suffer like this."

"I guess not, but, Lily, I wish I could be there for you."

She kissed his cheek, "You are, love, more than you know."

--

**a/n: read and review, please please please! Chapter 12 coming soon, so check for updates! **

**as I walk down the road  
I think of how you showed  
me and how to see  
the whole new world there could be  
so excuse me if I sound cliche  
but you took my breath away  
you kept me next to you for days  
with all your unbelievable ways  
you can change all that I think is true  
yes it's all because of you  
as I amble down a dirt path  
I think how I fell under your wrath  
yes so easily I fell  
under your enchanting spell  
for you I'll stick around  
because without you I'd be lost and not found  
don't worry because I'll always be there  
to wipe your unwanted tears with care  
so here I'll sum it all up  
I shiver when my face you cup  
with your hands and I love you  
and the way you turn my grey sky blue**

**so over the next few chapters I'm going to show some of my poems and I would really appreciate it if you would review those too. Thanks! Lily...you've probably already seen most of these, so just review on the story and not the poems.  
**


	12. You Bleed Just to Know You're Alive

**a/n: here's a poem: please read this and the chapter and review, thanks! I'll be doing one happy poem, one sad poem, alternating per chapter, so since in chapter 11 I did a happy one, it's sad time...well not exactly sad because it ends happy...but whatever! It's depressing enough...**

**when there is suffering  
and there is dark  
it seems as if nothing  
will lift me out  
of this endless depression  
but though the sadness  
is valiant  
in its despondant fight  
your love  
is an adequate contender  
and it vanquishes  
the dark  
and your love  
fills me with light  
shining from every corner  
frightening off  
my misery  
with its illuminating sword  
slashing it through  
vanishing all that haunts  
and all that hates  
my misery  
and your love  
stays steadfast and true  
never wavering  
always shielding  
me forever...**

**--**

"And do you, Vernon, take Petunia to be your lawfully wedded..."

The words droned on and on until they became mush in Lily's mind. All she could think of was her sister's friend, Jane, standing up next to Petunia, as the maid of honor. She, Lily, was sitting in the back row, next to her friends who were all looking like they wished they could doze off. Her eyes wandered over the millions of heads in the rows in front of her. There was their next door neighbor, Mrs. Greene. There was Petunia's friend from preschool, Lorelei. There was her father's business partner, Henry Roy. There was their old nanny, Imogen.

Out of three hundred people attending Petunia's wedding, Lily was shunted to the back. Her parents sat up in the front row, but her sister had insisted that Lily and her "freaky" friends sit in the back.

Lily's mother had protested, but Lily had told her it would be fine, and that the six of them would prefer not to be in the thick of it anyway.

And that was that. Petunia and Vernon were married.

Lily stood as the rest of the company got to their feet to go congratulate the bride and groom.

"Wait here." she whispered to her friends, but James followed her anyway.

She turned, "James, please. I appreciate you being here for me and everything, but I just...I need to be alone with my sister."

He nodded once, and looking silly with embarrassment, turned to go sit back down. She smiled to herself. How could James feel embarrassed for caring too much about someone?

She went to go stand politely in the long queue of people waiting to give their felicities.

She finally reached her sister standing with Vernon Dursley, who was looking particularly porky in his tuxedo. He took one look at Lily and turned on his heel to go get a drink.

"Hello, Tuny."

Petunia remained stiff, an obvious expression of dislike apparent on her face, "Lily."

Lily took a deep breath, "Tuny I didn't just want to give you my congratulations, I wanted to tell you that even though there's a distance between us, I will always love you because you're my sister."

Petunia's face softened, and it looked like she was about to say something, then her eyes drifted over Lily's shoulder to gaze at her friends, and her expression hardened once more, "Thank you, Lily. Now I must move on to my other guests."

Lily gaped, "Tuny! You don't even care an inkling about me?"

Petunia walked sharply past her.

Lily could feel tears starting to well up, "Tuny! I'm your sister! I'm your sister! Doesn't that mean anything?"

Petunia turned back around and went to stand an inch away from Lily, "Yes. It means that I am related to a freak! Now people are starting to stare, so I suggest that you take your mutant body and your mutant friends and go back to where you came from. Why you had to come here and ruin my wedding, I'll never know."

Lily stared at her retreating back, an emptiness floating in her heart. She felt strong arms, warm arms, loving arms, snake around her, and holding her. James kissed the top of her head.

Dorcas took her hand, "Come on, love, let's go back to Hogwarts. We're not wanted here."

Lily nodded, and Remus stepped forward to wipe the tears off her face.

Her friends surrounding her, and holding her, Lily made her way over to her parents.

"Mum, Dad, we have to leave."

Her mother frowned, "So soon, dear?"

Lily nodded, "Yes, mum. We really can't miss anymore school."

"OKay, darling." her mother folded Lily in her arms, and Lily melted. She had forgotten what it was like to be held like this, to have her head resting on her mother's bosom, like she could pour all of her miseries onto her mother.

"Bye, Mum."

Lily took it in turns to hug her parents goodbye, and her friends shook their hands.

The six of them walked into the forest behind the Evans's house, and disapparated to Hogwarts.

--

Peter sat in the common room, alone. All of his friends were gone. They had left for Lily's sister's wedding without thinking once that they were leaving him alone. Without giving him a second glance. Peter had always thought that though they often teased him, they still thought of him as equal. But it seemed he was wrong. They probably thought they were being charitable, letting him tag along with them, they probably pitied him. Well Peter didn't need their pity. Someday, he vowed, they would pay.

--

Emmeline sat on a plump plum colored chair in the common room, dreading what she was about to do. Gideon was a wonderful fellow, and she had been putting off the task of telling him that she was in love with Sirius for a few days now, because she did not want to hurt him, though Sirius thought it was for a different reason.

Gideon skipped down the stairs, looking around the empty common room, and eventually spotted Emmeline sitting in the far corner, shrouded in the dark, away from the warmth of the fire.

"Hey, Em." he bent over to kiss her on the cheek, and she felt that spot burn, "James said you wanted to talk to me?"

Emmeline bit her lip, "Yes. Gideon, I have to...I have to tell you..." tears started flowing down her cheeks, "Oh this is **terrible**! I promised myself I wouldn't cry!"

Gideon looked positively alarmed at her unwaranted tears, "Ems! What's wrong?" he asked, worry apparent in his voice.

She wiped the tears with the back of her hand, "Gideon, I'm so sorry, but I have to tell you that, I can't...I can't be with you anymore."

Gideon sat silent as a stone, drinking in her words.

"Gideon..." she pleaded, "Gideon, please say something, don't make this worse for me!"

That got him to look up, "Worse for **you**?! Hah! So this is just a picnic for me?"

She looked shocked at his anger. She had never seen peaceful, calm, Gideon flared up like this, "Oh, Gideon, that's not what I meant! I didn't mean to make you upset."

He ran his hands frustratedly through his bright red hair, "Upset? You come here, **you**, the girl I love, and tell me that you don't want me anymore, and you don't think I'm going to get upset?" he looked at her in anger, "Dammit, Emmeline! Why'd you have to ruin everything?"

"Gideon," she said, placing her long-fingered hand to his cheek, "You loved me?"

"Not loved. Love." he spat, looking disgusted at himself.

She closed her eyes in pain, "Gideon, I'm so sorry. I never loved you enough."

"Unrequited love." he whispered.

She nodded, "Gideon, I was subject to unrequited love for so long. For six years. And now, the man I love finally told me he loves me too. You can't expect me to not take that, can you?"

He nodded, "I know it sounds amazing, but...I understand. You never loved me, and I just want you to be happy."

Her lower lip trembled and tears spilled once more out of her eyes, "You're amazing, Gideon. I hate myself that I don't love you."

He took her hand in his, "I love you, Emmeline, and always will. And I want you to be happy, and if being with this man makes you happy, then I'll let you do what you want."

She let out a sob and clutched his hand, "Gideon breaking up with you is one of the hardest things I've had to do. And I just want you to know that I love you too. Not enough to make you happy and not enough to make me happy for being with you, but I do. And I'm sorry. More than I can say."

He looked up at her, "Can I just ask...who?"

"Sirius."

he nodded, and she leaned forward to hug him, wanting to take that look of sadness off his face.

They stayed like that for a while, all of Emmeline's grief and sorrow translated in that hug, and all of Gideon's wishing he could have her in it. They melted with love, but the love was not enough for true love.

--

Lily sat holding James's hand as all of them sat in the great hall, waiting for the end of year dismissal. Emmeline held Sirius's, and Dorcas sat in between Remus and Peter, holding each of their hands. In just a few moments, they would be on the Hogwarts Express, where Lily would go back to her house on Privet Drive, where Dorcas would go to her parents as well as Emmeline and Peter. Remus, Sirius and James had bought a new apartment in Diagon Alley that they would be sharing. James had begged Lily to come stay with them but she had told him that her parents wanted her home with them, at least at first. She hoped that in a few years she and James would be married and the two of them would have a place of their own. Of course her parents didn't know just how serious Lily and James were about each other.

Dumbledore, up on the staff table, surrounded by Professor McGonagall, Professor Flitwick, and Professor Slughorn, stood up and cleared his throat, "Students. I must inform you with good and bad news. The good news: you're done with another year of school!" he paused here for the students to cheer, "And the bad news: you're done with another year of school, and now you must leave your friends. But I hope you have a magical summer and to those of you who are leaving us for good: I raise my glass to you." the rest of Hogwarts raised their glasses to the seventh-years, and then the sound of scraping chairs filled the hall as all of the students headed outward to the Hogwarts Express, and the seventh-years took one last look around at the place that had been their home for the past seven years. They said goodbye.

--

**a/n: look for updates soon...Chapter 13 is being written as we speak, but then again I have to watch Bollywood movies and unearth demon monsters when I clean my room today too, so it may take some time, but I promise I'll get at least a little up on the website before the end of today. Read and Review!**


	13. Lost and Found

James threw a snitch up in the air with his left hand, and caught it with his right. He held on to it so tight that he crushed its wings.

Sirius stared at him, wide-eyed, "Yeesh, Prongs! Chill out."

James sighed. He, Sirius, and Remus were sitting in the living room of their apartment in Diagon Alley. It was a bright, sunny day, and their room gave a spectacular view over green hills outside of the bustle of Diagon Alley, but James couldn't think about anything else but her.

Remus raised a calculating eyebrow at James, "You miss Lily, don't you?"

"How can I not?!" burst out James, relieved that someone had finally raised the subject, "I love her, and I haven't seen her in four weeks! Letters can only do so much."

Remus smiled at him, "Prongs, I'm not supposed to tell you, because it's supposed to be a surprise, but Lily wrote to me telling me that her parents are letting her come out here to stay with us a couple of days."

"Really?" the moody, brooding look on James's face instantly turned into one of delight.

Sirius nodded, looking like he wanted to laugh at the silly look on James's face.

"Aaah. That's great." James flopped over on the couch, now perfectly at ease, he stared at Sirius, "What about you and Em?"

Sirius cast the room a furtive look, and turned away, "What about me and Em?"

James frowned, "Didn't you two tell each other you loved each other?"

"Yes."

"Have you heard from her?" prompted Remus.

"No."

James exchanged a worried look with Remus, "Why not?"

Sirius turned back around, an anger blazing in his eyes, "You think I know? We're perfectly happy when school ends, then when she heads home, and I come here, I don't hear from her for four bloody weeks!"

Remus's brow furrowed, "Maybe she's waiting for you to write to her."

Sirius let out a disgusted noise, "She said she would write when school ended."

"Maybe she forgot and thought you were supposed to write to her."

Sirius sank into the couch, and flopped his head in his hands, "Maybe she doesn't want me anymore. Maybe she isn't writing for a reason. Maybe she just wanted to string me along until she could get rid of me."

"Now come on, Padfoot!" exclaimed Remus, "Em's not like that, and you know it."

Sirius shook his head in sorrow, "Maybe I should have just let her stay with Gideon. She would have been happier with him. He'd have been a better boyfriend."

James bit his lip, "Probably. But that's not the point, mate. She loves **you**."

Sirius stared up at James, a haunted look in his eyes, "How do I know that?"

The three of them were silent. James and Remus didn't know what to say to that.

Sirius grimaced, "See, prongs. **That's** the point. I don't."

--

Lily was restless. She was fidgety. One more day until her trip to James, Sirius, and Remus. She hated this. As much as she loved her family, she was an adult! She deserved a life of her own! All the rest of her friends were soon starting their careers. In just a year, Emmeline was going to be signed as a chaser for the England reserve team, Dorcas was going off to healer school, James and Sirius were off to Auror training, Remus was going to start an at-home course on teaching, and even Peter was getting a job as an add-consultant for the _Daily Prophet. _She, Lily, the one person everyone thought would succeed, was a nothing.

Thinking about her friends got Lily emotional. They had all promised each other that even when school ended, they would never leave each other, but here they were, separated, and who knew when they would ever see each other again. All she could think about was her trip to see James. At least she would see him, if she could see no one else. Sure, she wrote to every single one of them, but it just wasn't the same as being in their company and never leaving their side.

"Lily! Dear, there's someone here for you!" called her mother.

Lily sat bolt upright. Could it be? She bounded down the stairs, and flew to a stop when she saw the best sight she had seen in many days. Em and Peter, looking slightly worse for wear, standing on her front porch.

Lily didn't say a thing, but enveloped them both in a rib-crushing hug.

"It's so good to see you!" she cried.

Emmeline smiled, "It's fabulous to see you as well, love."

Peter grinned at her, "Haven't seen you in a while, Lils."

"What are you doing here?" she asked, staring at them as if she couldn't believe it.

"We'll explain inside." said Peter. This comment roused her good manners.

"Come in, come in!" she pulled them into her kitchen.

As they sat in the kitchen table, and reminisced, Emmeline asked, "Is that demon sister of yours around?"

Lily laughed, "No. She's staying in an apartment with her husband. They're just waiting until they have enough saved and until they have a good offer before they buy a house."

Emmeline nodded, "Have you heard from Sirius?"

Lily frowned, "No. Why?"

Emmeline sighed, and traced the rim of her glass with the tip of her finger, "It's just that, well, since my father, as a muggle, doesn't like owls flying around the house, he was supposed to write once to tell me his phone number once he bought one, so he could call me at my house, but...he never did."

Lily shrugged, "I'm sure there was some misunderstanding. I'm going to James, Sirius and Remus tomorrow, you should come with me."

Peter nodded, "Actually that's why we're here. I told my mum that if I want a headstart on my job, I should get to the newspaper headquarters soon, and she said ok, so I walked to Emmeline's house since we live so close, and she was worried about Sirius and you had written to say that you were visiting them soon, so we decided to come here to go visit them with you."

Lily's mother stepped into the kitchen, "I was just listening, and my book club will be inhabiting the house for the better part of today, so if you three want to get a headstart along to Diagon Alley, you're welcome to do so."

"Thanks mum!" called Lily as her mother left, "Well that settles it, I suppose. Just give me a moment to gather my things and we'll go."

Lily dashed upstairs, her heart beating, hardly daring to believe it. Today was the best day **ever**! Not only did her friends turn up together, but they three of them were going to be reunited with the rest of their friends. Only, well, Lily's heart ached for Dorcas. She was living with her cousin, Marlene Mckinnon outside the city, and if she wished to visit them it would take time.

Lily ran downstairs, a traveling bag in hand, and the three of them disapparated, an unmentioned excitement left hanging in the air even after they were gone.

--

**a/n: lalala, yes I'm supposed to be cleaning my room, which I tell you is no mean feat, it'll probably be a week-long project, but...I managed to write anyway, so check for updates because more of Chapter 13 coming soon! Read and review, please!**

**look into my eyes  
I know I'll see surprise  
when in my eyes you find  
something a little unkind  
not to you but to myself  
I put my beliefs on a shelf  
for love  
to rise above  
and accept your promise of a dance  
I decided to give you a chance  
because I couldn't say away  
from you for days and days  
and _because of course  
_you took me by force  
I waited for you to save me  
but it was you who made me  
into this lovestruck person  
it was like you put a curse on  
me so I was helpless and sad  
but also unbelievably glad  
because when I see you I soar  
though I have no wings  
and it's like I love you more and more  
yes you do to me crazy things  
wood seems a deep chocolate brown  
the grass a bright green in the ground  
the water seems a sparkling blue  
and it's all simply because of you  
and though I regret  
letting myself forget  
to practice restrain  
though it was all in vain  
and it was such a great thing  
when I heart you sing  
straight into my heart  
you tore my beliefs apart  
and as I sit on the porch  
with you right next to me  
I think how wonderful  
forgetting restraint can be...**

**as you can see, the name of this fanfic comes from one of my poems...**


	14. One More Time Tonight

Lily, Emmeline, and Peter apparated on Diagon Alley. Nobody looked at the three of them suddenly materializing in a swish of robes. After living in such a muggle-like inhabitance, this, the fact that no one looked twice to see three people suddenly appearing in the middle of the busy street, made Lily so happy. She was back in the wizarding world. Though she loved her parents very much, and though she had grown up in a muggle existence, the magical world was Lily's home, and where she felt at home.

The three of them walked through the streets until they finally reached an apartment building with a rickety sign reading _Dragon's Drive Apartments_. This, Lily remembered, was the name James had said the building was called.

"I think this is it," she said to her friends and they nodded in agreement.

It wasn't a lavish palace, but it was a nice, moderate, working-class looking apartment complex with modern flourishes here and there. There was a huge statue of a Dragon breathing fire in the front garden. Lily skirted this statue. It creeped her out.

The three of them walked silently up into the building, and Emmeline went to go ask the desk manager where they were staying.

"Hello," said the concierge in a falsely polite voice.

"Hi." said Emmeline briskly, "We're here to visist our friends. Do you happen to know what room they're staying in?"

The concierge looked down at a large notebook where the apartment records were kept, "What did you say their names were?"

Emmeline bristled, she was losing patience, "I didn't. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and James Potter."

The concierge looked up, smiling, "They're in a room 347, hallway 2. Let me buzz you up."

Remus answered the buzz and replied that they could be sent up.

The three of them made their way up the stairs, thankfull that they were traveling light. It is no mean feat to go up three flights of stairs.

They finally reached room 347, and Lily knocked, her heart pounding. She was going to see James!

"Lily!" James threw open the door, and picked her up in an overenthusiastic-to say the least-hug.

Lily laughed, breathless, "It's so good to see you, Jamie." then, realizing, she was still in his arms, she told him to set her down. Remus and Sirius were standing behind James. Remus stepped forward to give Lily, Emmeline, and Peter a hug, but Sirius hung back, staring at Emmeline broodingly.

She stepped over the threshold, and went to go hold his hands, "Hi, Sirius."

"Hello, Emmeline." Emmeline didn't miss how formal and cold the greeting sounded, and her face looked wounded.

"Sirius-" but before she could finish, Sirius burst out in anger.

"Dammit, Emmeline! Why didn't you write to me? I'm sitting here, sick with worry about what's wrong with you, whether you don't want me anymore, and now you think you can just waltz in here and take me back. Well you can't." Sirius turned away from her, anger blazing in his eyes. The rest of their friends were staring openmouthed in shock, not knowing what to do.

Tears coarsed down Emmeline's cheeks, "Sirius, don't be like that! Don't you remember our converstion? My dad doesn't like owls, so you said you'd buy a telephone, and then you said you'd write to me telling me your telephone number."

Sirius turned around, his face looking like sun breaking through storm clouds, "So...so it was just..."

"A misunderstanding, yeah."

He let out a shaky laugh, "God, that's so **stupid**!"

She smiled, "Yeah, it is."

With nothing more than this stimulating conversation, the two of them kissed, feeling like they were soaring. Sirius's hands rose from her lower back until they were entangled in her hair, and Emmeline pulled him closer until you could see nothing between them. He was a huncher, and she was an archer, so her body fit the cavity of his perfectly. As if they were made for each other. Emmeline finally broke away, seeming to remember that Lily, Remus, James, and Peter stood watching them. A deep scarlet blush crept all the way from her chin until it disappeared into her black hairline. Sirius, on the other hand, just grinned, looking extremely pleased with himself.

James cleared his throat, "Well, that was...well, wow."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Hey, you're not allowed to talk, Prongsie, after the way you mauled Lily at the front door."

Now it was Lily's turn to blush, but James just beamed, looking particularly humerous in his pleasure at how much he loved Lily.

The five of them stared at each other, smiling, until, without speaking made a group hug. After all, four weeks was a long time to be away from people who swore they would never leave you, not even for one moment.

--

Dorcas chewed her lip. She was frustrated. She was all alone in Marlene's house, while all of her friends were holed up at James, Sirius, and Remus's! How she wished she could be there with them instead of in this dead-boring house. Marlene was wonderful in every way, and she had always seemed like a substitute mother for Dorcas, ever since her own died, but it just wasn't fair that all of her friends were together, and she was left out.

**--**

Remus stared out at the moonlight, feeling slightly mournful. As he often thought as he stared at the moon, the thought crossed his mind that maybe he didn't deserve his life.

All his life, well, ever since the fateful bite, Remus had questioned if he was a good person. He always thought that he had done something wrong in his life, or maybe in a previous life to deserve it. But then when he came to school, and he found a new concept...friends...and what friends they were. Remus had always been confused...he was a werewolf. That was one thing he was sure about. But...did he deserve it? Did he really deserve the horrors? Or was someone out there trying to tell him that they were sorry for making him subject to this horrible thing by giving him the best friends someone could ever have? They promised to take care of him, to stay with him all his life, and he wondered if it was a great thing that he had these friends, but sometimes he felt doubtful and guilty. What if he shouldn't have these friends? What if he didn't deserve it?

The moon cast a hazy glow over the veranda that Remus was standing on. He stared into the twinkling stars wondering did he deserve his friends? Did he deserve his...what would a call it? A disease. An unending disease. The sounds of happy chatter reached his ears, piercing through his aching heart. Their voices were so carefree, so...so joyful.

"Moony?" James stood in the doorway, a worried expression adorning his face, "Are you ok?"

Remus plastered a fake smile on his face, "Yeah. I'm fine." he caught sight of James's skeptical face, "Fine." he repeated firmly.

James's eyebrows stayed furrowed but he seemed to accept Remus;s explanation, "OK..well come inside, it's freezing out here! Em went out to get some money from Gringott's, but the rest of us are going out ot dinner."

"Sounds good." as Remus followed James through the door he marveled at how normal life could be the further you went from reality.

--

**a/n: if any of you have ever read the book Persepolis, what Dolohov said to Emmeline came from a scene in that book.**

Sirius heard a knock on the door. It would be Emmeline. The others had gone out to dinner, so he and Emmeline would be alne. For the first time.

He opened the door apprehensively, "Hey, Em."

She swept past him, her hair in her face, "Don't look at me, Sirius, I look ugly."

He frowned at her tone, "You never look ugly."

She laughed derisively, facing away from him looking at the wall, "I always look ugly."

He kissed her shoulder, facing her back, "That's where you're wrong. You always look beautiful."

She turned, a maniacal look in her eyes, "Don't lie! I'm filth! Dirt!"

He gasped, "What's wrong with you?"

She let out a pained cry and sank down into a chair, tear tracks glittering on her face, "I was walking in the street, and I stopped in a deserted alleyway and Dolohov-"

"YOU WHAT?!" burst out Sirius, "You went into a dark, deserted alley, when...when you know what it's like-danger around every corner, Voldemort on the rise!"

"Sirius, please!" cried Dorcas.

Sirius turned and when he saw her tortured face, all the anger that had been blooming in his expression disppeared without a trace, and was replaced with sympathy, and he dropped down to a crouch beside her chair, "I'm so sorry, love." he dropped down to a breathless whisper, "What did they do to you?"

She sniffed, "It was Dolohov. You know, the boy who was in Sixth Year when we were in Seventh year. He's still in school!"

"What did he do?" he repeated, looking worried.

"He-he did the cruciatus curse on me and then said...he said that blood traitors like me who hang out with-with you-know-what's like Lily, should be pushed up against the wall, tortured, then thrown into the garbage!" she let out a huge sob, and collapsed into Sirius's arms, "Sirius, you can say the truth if you want. If you don't want to be with me, because I'm filth, then just say so."

He laughed, "Sweet, I'm more of a blood traitor than anyone! You're wonderful, and you **know** that I don't believe in all that rubbish! I promise nothing like that will ever come between us."

"You promise?"

He smiled, "I promise, love."

--

**a/n: Sorry I haven't written in a while, but I've been grounded from the computer at home, so school is the only place where I can write, and opportunities are limited. More coming soon! Please review...**

**From Someone Special...**

**sparkling green  
or are they grey?  
perhaps a mixture  
dancing colors muddled  
All I know is that  
when my vision is hazy  
and clouded  
your eyes shine through  
piercing through all that hates  
and all that hurts me  
like a beacon of hope  
filling me with  
not only a glowing light  
but with perpetual love**

**love is abundant in my heart...**


	15. Something New for Love

James absentmindedly stroked Lily's hair as she sat in his lap and talked across the room to Remus. The six of them sat in a circle in the living room. The were sitting contentedly talking enjoyably to each other. Lily sat in James's lap while they lounged on the couch, and Sirius was lying with his head in Emmeline's lap, Remus was sitting cross-legged on a stool, and Peter sat with his head leaning on the wall, listening quietly to their conversation.

Remus yawned, "Well, night all, I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Night." murmured Sirius sleepily.

"Sweet dreams." smiled Lily.

The rest of them said good night, and Remus drifted off to bed.

Peter nodded, "I think I'm going to get some shut-eye myself."

He went off to bed, not saying good night to anybody. Peter had been routinely moody the whole day, worrying the group.

Sirius smiled up at Emmeline, "Want to go to bed?"

Emmeline's hands started shaking, "Y-yes." The two of them walked to bed, hand in hand, looking very nervous.

James kissed Lily's cheek, "Do you want to go to bed?"

"If..." she hesitated, "If you want to."

"No!" started James, "I didn't mean it like that! I just meant...well...not that I don't want to. But I wouldn't want it like that if you didn't want to, though I mean I hope you want to, but then you don't have to, and we can just-"

Lily put her fingers to his lips, "I want to."

"You do?" he sounded surprised.

Lily smiled, which he took as a consent. The two of them walked slowly off to bed, Lily's head on James's shoulder, and the rest...was up to the magic of the night.

--

Lily woke up, stretching, her limbs loving the feel of the limberness. The sun was shining through the window and cast a golden ray across Lily's pillow, bringing out the auburn highlights in her red hair. She felt arms around her. Strong arms, loving arms. She unclasped them then turned around to see James, lying in his boxers, his dark hair more rumpled than ever, his glasses askew. His eyelids were closed over his hazel eyes, and a slight smile adorned his sleepdriven features. He was so close that she could count every single one of his dark lashes.

Magical feelings had erupted inside her that night, and Lily didn't know how to contain herself. Love exuded from every one of her orifices, and for one brief moment she and James had been united and she had never felt like this about anyone.

James stirred. He yawned and stretched, his left hand nearly knocking Lily's head, "Morning, darling."

She smiled, "Morning."

He grinned, "Sleep well?"

She laughed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, "Not particularly. I was rather...preoccupied."

He kissed her cheek, "Me as well. Want to go to the kitchen for a nosh?"

She nodded, and he swung himself out of bed. He pulled a t-shirt on, and helped Lily out of bed. She pulled on an overlarge shirt that read: ROCK WITH THE WEIRD SISTERS.

The two of them walked sleepily towards the kitchen, hand in hand. When they reached it, they witnessed the scene of Sirius and Emmeline kissing over the sugar bowl. Sirius was wearing baggy jeans, and Emmeline was wearing one of Sirius's t-shirts. They turned around abruptly when James and Lily walked into the kitchen, and Lily felt terrible as if they had just intruded on something very private.

But James was grinning, "Morning, all. It seems you two had a good night."

Sirius walked over to James and the two of them exchanged significant looks with raised eyebrows, "Wonderful."

James grinned, "We're going to leave, so that you two can talk, because I know that you're dying to."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Oh, please! Don't pretend that you guys aren't going to gossip like two old ladies once out of earshot."

James and Sirius didn't answer but walked over to the door of the apartment so they could go on a walk in the fresh morning air.

Emmeline and Lily sat down at the kitchen table with plates of eggs and glasses of orange juice.

"So," started Emmeline, taking a sip of her orange juice, "Tell me everything."

--

"So," started Sirius, "How was it?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows wolfishly.

James grinned, "That's between me and Lily."

Sirius sighed, "I can take a hint. Whatever. I'm not interested in your and Lily's conquests."

James smiled, "Don't pout, Padfoot, it's not too becoming."

Sirius narrowed his eyes, "I'm not **pouting**, prongsie. I'm just offended that you don't trust me enough to tell me things."

"It's not that I don't trust you," sighed James, "It's just that I don't think Lily would be too pleased if I told you what I percepted of it."

"Ah." said Sirius, "So you think Lily's version of what happened will be different than yours?"

"Yes. That's why I'm not mad that she's going to tell Em and Dorcas everything, but I know she'll be mad if I tell you. And besides, Padfoot, it's not like you were going to tell me anything about you and Em."

Sirius smiled sneakily, "Of course I was!"

James raised an eyebrow, "Were you?"

Sirius laughed and held up his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay! Fine, maybe blokes just aren't supposed to share."

James smiled, "The unsaid is more magical unsaid. And I suppose we just have to live in our own happiness instead of just taking away the magic and secretiveness of each other's."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, ok, prongs. And besides I don't want to tell you about my explorations."

And with this crass comment, the two of them made their way happily back to the apartment, not having told each other anything, but still sharing with each other more than they could have hoped for.

--

Emmeline stretched her legs out from underneath her as she and Sirius sat in the living room.

He smiled calmly at her, "So how are you?"

She smiled back, "Fine, thanks. You?"

"I-" but Sirius could say no more, because the fire in the fireplace had just turned green, and there was a young woman's head sitting in the fire.

"Dorcas!" exclaimed Emmeline.

Dorcas's head grinned, "Hey Em, Hey Sirius! Where are the rest?"

"Lily!" called Emmeline, shock adorning her face, "James, Peter, Remus!"

Sirius was still staring in wonder at Dorcas, "What are you doing here Meadowes?!"

She frowned, "Am I not welcome."

Sirius sighed in exasperation, "You know that's not what I meant! I meant **why** are you here?"

She scanned their faces, "Let's wait 'till the rest have come."

Lily, James, Peter, and Remus came in, looking confused.

"Dorcas!" screamed Lily dropping to her knees in front of the fire, "What are you doing here?"

The other boys sat on the couch in bemusement, waiting for an explanation.

Dorcas laughed, "Well, I was just getting to that. To be quick: I was living with Marlene for some time, but then Dumbledore contacted me, and I went to Hogwarts. He asked me to come before all of you folk, because he knew you were together and wanted to give you a bit of vacation before he bothered you with his request."

"Which is?" asked Remus, his eyebrows knitted together.

Dorcas chewed her lip, "Well, I can't tell you that here, we could be overheard, but please come to Hogwarts tomorrow morning and you'll learn everything. All I can say is that it's really important and that you definitely should come. Oh, and I really want to see all of you lot in person again, so please please come!"

James studied her face seriously, "Does it have to do with Voldemort?"

Dorcas cringed visibly, "Don't say his name!"

James rolled his eyes, "Dorcas, if it does have to do with him, then you should say it because remember: fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself."

Dorcas's head sighed in the fire, "That's besides the point. I don't need you lecturing me on bravery, James."

Peter leaned forward, "Forget it. Does it?"

Dorcas bit her lip again, "Um...yes."

The rest gasped in awe.

Dorcas raised her eyebrows, "Now who's scared? Well, mates, I have to go."

They all protested.

Lily groaned, "Meadowes! You just got here! Won't you stay?"

Dorcas shook her head, "I'm really sorry! But I'm on a tight schedule, and besides, my knees are killing me!"

Emmeline laughed, "Okay, love. We'll see you tomorrow?"

Dorcas's face lit up, "You're coming?"

Lily grinned, "Well of course dear! Now go, we'll be seeing you soon."

"Bye!" she called, her head spinning in the fire, the dancing flames turning green once again.

The rest of them called goodbye as her soft brown caramel colored hair whipped out of sight.

--

**a/n: thanks for reading! now you know the next step! review!! I hope you liked it...I don't think I'll be adding to chapter 15, but I will be updating soon!**


	16. Picture Yourself In a Boat on the River

James, Lily, Emmeline, Sirius, Remus, and Peter wandered through the empty halls of Hogwarts, reminiscient thoughts flying in and out of their minds.

They stopped when they came to the portrait of the fat lady. She was sleeping with Violet, they seemed to have drunk much from the picture of the muggle alcohol manufacturer.

James sighed, "You know, we'll never get to go back in there ever again."

Lily nodded, "We're just outsiders now."

"Now that's where you're wrong." a voice called making Lily jump.

The six of them turned to see Albus Dumbledore gliding towards them his robes esplendant in color, and his beard and hair gleaming silver-white.

He stopped in front of them, "Once a gryffindor, always a gryffindor. And coincidentally, this common room is where our meeting shall take place."

Lily frowned, "Pardon me, professore, but...what meeting? Dorcas wouldn't tell us anything, and we really are very curious."

"You will learn all of that very shortly, I promise you, Miss Evans. Now if you please?" he held open the portrait door for the six of them and they clambered through it clumsily. They were a great deal taller than since they were last here.

Emmeline drew a short breath at the familiar sight. Fire crackling in the corner, plush red chairs everywhere, a warm feel to the room.

Before anyone could stop him, Sirius bounded up the steps to the dormitories, and ran back down, "I saw my bed." he said breathlessly.

Dumbledore laughed, "Yes, I imagine you are feeling slightly homesick. Now, to business. Please take a seat."

There was a number of people situated around a long brown mahogany desk in the corner.

Dorcas was one of them. They all went to hug her, and sat down around her.

Dumbledore stood at the head of the table, and introduced them one by one, "You six know Miss Meadowes, Miss McKinnon, Gideon and Fabian Prewett, and Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom," they smiled. Alice and Frank had been in their year. Dumbledore continued, "This is Caradoc Dearborn, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Dedalus Diggle, Benjy Fenwick, Sturgis Podmore, Elphias Doge, Alastor Moody, and of course, Minerva McGonagall."

The six of them nodded respectively to their former professor.

Dumbledore sat down and gazed seriously at the six new recruits, "This organization is called the Order of the Pheonix, and is a rebel force against Voldemort," several people around the table cringed, but he continued, "We are very serious, and the consequences are high. I wish that you six, who were very good students at Hogwarts, and who have each suffered somewhat at the hands of Voldemort and his supporters will join us. Obviously, you would never be forced to, and no one will think lesser of you if you leave now. But I must tell you that once you are a part of the Order, we expect your full effort, determination, and loyalty. And also, this is not a game. There is a high chance you could be seriously injured, hurt, or...killed. Now with that said, I ask you to please raise your hands if you wish to join us."

Slowly, hesitantly, and one by one, they all raised their hands. Peter looked unsure, but because he followed anything James and Sirius did, he raised his hand anyway.

Dumbledore smiled benignly at them, "Wonderful! I am so glad to have such good and willing recruits. So. To business. You will be working in teams. Mr. Potter and Mr. Black will be a team. Miss Meadowes and Miss Evans are a team, Miss Vance and Mr. Prewett will be a team. Gideon that is," Sirius sat up at this mention, looking angry, but from a look from Emmeline, he calmed. Gideon on the other hand looked away, looking embarrassed. Dumbledore continued, as if not seeing this exchange, "Elphias, you and Dedalus are a team. Mr. Fenwick and Mr. Podmore. Mr. Prewett - Fabian - and Miss McKinnon. Alastor and Minerva. And finally, Mr. Dearborn and Kingsley."

They all nodded as they heard their assignments. Dumbledore explained what they would be doing, and Lily cringed inwardly at the thought of the countless people Dumbledore was talking about, that had been slain cruelly without a second thought by Voldemort and his supporters. Fierce anger raged inside her as she thought about it. A few days ago, she didn't know what she was doing with her life. The rest of them did, but Lily had been helpless, but now she was the one helping the helpless and she finally had direction and purpose in her life. She knew she could be killed. She knew there were dire consequences, but this was something that gave her balance, and quailed her misery, knowing that she was doing something to help. It would be hard, but there was no doubt she could do it.

--

Lily staggered through the door, Dorcas supporting her. James jumped up in alarm, and ran to her, kissing every part of her that was not bloody.

"Lily! What happened?" he cried, trying to stop the bleeding, his voice wrought with internal tears. Sirius was up in an instant, helping Dorcas lay Lily on a bed, and helping James wipe the blood.

Dorcas sat down next to Lily's head, breathless, her hands covered in Lily's blood, "We were with Benjy and Sturgis trying to go save that goblin family we heard Voldemort was after. When we got there, the goblin family was already dead, and Voldemort was there. He was fighting with Benjy and Sturgis, and then Bellatrix and Rodolphus were fighting me and Lily, and I stunned Rodolphus, then Bellatrix did this weird curse on Lily that made her spout blood, and then she and Rodolphus and Voldemort disapparated and I told Benjy and Sturgis to go report to Dumbledore and I'd get Lily home because they only had minor injuries. And...and James, I couldn't stop the bleeding! And she was in terrible shape, so I couldn't take her side-a-long apparition because there was a huge chance that she could splinch herself making it even worse, so...James I had to walk two miles and she just kept bleeding, and I didn't know what to do!" she finished, wailing, collapsing onto to Sirius.

James nodded, "No, Dorcas, you did everything you could, I don't blame you for a minute-" broke off trying to mop up Lily's blood, "I can't stop the bleeding! What will I do?!" he cried, pure terror surging through his voice.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Remus ran inside, stopping to rest on his knees by Lily's side, "I just heard-from Benjy-I know how-I can stop-"

He stopped in midsentance, breathless, as he pulled out his wand.

James gazed at him, "You can stop the bleeding, Moony? You can put her right?"

He nodded distractedly, muttering the countercurse under his breath, "There. The bleeding's stopped. Now we just need to give her a revival potion, and she'll be put right."

James breathed a sigh of relief, wiping the sweat off his brow, "Oh, Lily. You can't just go and scare me like that! Don't you ever do that to me again!"

Lily laughed shakily, her eyes opening, "It's not really something I can control, Jamie."

James smiled at her and mopped up the blood, and Sirius tipped a revival potion into her mouth.

"Aah." she sighed, "That's much better. Oh, love, I'm so sorry."

James laughed outright, "**You're** sorry? I thought I was going to lose my other half for a minute there."

He bent down and kissed her full on the lips, and love surged through him. She felt desire rise up in her chest and she was so thankful that she had someone as wonderful as James to be worried if she didn't come back alive.

James pulled away, looking pointedly at Dorcas, Sirius, and Remus. They took the hint and left the room. James sat down lightly by Lily's head.

"Love, you know something?"

She smiled, "No. What?"

He bit his lip, "I'd never be able to stand it if you left me. My world would darken, and I'd be all alone with my misery."

Her mouth fell open, "Jamie, don't talk like that! I'm not going to die."

"You might." he said sadly, "And I might, too."

She tried to get him to smile, "I promise I'll never leave you, and I know you'll never leave me. We'll be together forever until I'm an old, chubby, housewife and your a balding, grumpy old man who only sits on the couch all day."

He laughed softly, "See, that's why I love you, because you can always make me feel better. But the fact remains that we both could die and be left without each other."

She grabbed his hands, "Okay, fine. Yes. There's a chance, but we just have to promise to fight our hardest and dodge death the best we can. Yes, James, I would die without you, but we have to stay positive. We are in dark times. Our lives are very hard. Constantly on the run, hiding from the death eaters, the chance of dying every day. But we just have to believe that everything will be all right, and then...it will."

He clutched her hands back, "Lily, I want you to marry me."

She gaped at him, aghast, "Marry you?"

He nodded fervently, "We said we'd do it sometime, and now that our lives are constantly in danger, don't you think we should bind ourselves to each other before we die?"

She shook her head, "James, I would love to get married, but not for that reason."

He smiled, "Lily, I loved you since the day I met you, and I would go crazy without you. Will you marry me?"

She laughed joyously, "Yes!"

The kissed, feelings of happiness washing away those of foreboding depression. Soon to be newlyweds. What a normal phrase in such an abnormal setting.

--

**a/n: hope you liked it, I'll be updating soon...R&R!! I know I've stopped putting poems on it, but I write them all during math and texas history on scrap pieces of paper, and now I can't find them!**


	17. It Puts My Back Up Against The Wall

Emmeline sat by the fire, reviewing the project plan for tomorrow. To say that she was nervous would be an utter understatement. They were going straight into Rodolphus Lestrange's manor to steal back the elixir, and if they got through this without being killed, it would be a miracle. All she could say was that she was glad she had Gideon on her side. At first things had been immensely awkward between them, but soon they were laughing and helping out each other just as if they were friends and teammates on a quidditch team again. He had devised most of the plan, and she didn't know how she could have thought of any of this without his help.

Emmeline yawned, staring at the maneuver, she and Gideon had configured. She was alone. Remus had taken Sirius out drinking. The day before he and James had witnessed a family with three young kids being murdered by Bellatrix Black, and he wanted to blot out that memory. James and Lily were off looking for a house of their own, and Peter was at the Order Headquarters.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Sirius was trying to get in the apartment, being held back by some unseen force.

"Sirius?" asked Emmeline worriedly.

He had a maniacal look in his eyes, and he shouted unknown words when he caught sight of her.

"Sirius-" grunted Remus, who was what was holding him back, "Come-on! Stop!"

"LET GO OF ME!" roared Sirius, wrenching himself free of Remus's grasp. He hurtled like a slingshot into the living room until he was two feet away from Emmeline.

"Sirius what's wrong with you?!" cried Emmeline.

He laughed crazily, "What's wrong with **me**? What's wrong with you, my love?" he spat. His speech was slurred. He was completely sloshed.

She sighed, "Sirius, please just sit down and let me give you a sobriety potion."

"No!" he screamed, bits of spit hitting her in the face, "I'm not doing anything you say, you...you...two-timing...two-timing...slut!"

She stared, shocked, as if she had been slapped in the face, "Si-Sirius!"

He growled, "What, you're surprised?! After the way you've been hanging on to Prewett, going with him everywhere, talking and laughing with him right **in front of me**?!"

"Sirius, he's my partner! We **have** to go together everywhere! And he's also my friend! James is my friend, Remus is my friend!" she said, gesturing at him, as he was trying to fade into the background, "I talk and laugh with them in front of you! Are you going to get mad at me for that now, too?!"

"Well, that's-that's-completely besides the point!" he spluttered.

"No!" she yelled, not caring that he was drunk, "You don't own me! I can talk and laugh with whomever I want! So-so just go if you don't think I'm good enough for you or something! Just leave if you're blind enough to think that it could be about anybody but you!"

He gaped, "It's **my** apartment!"

"Fine then!" she gasped, "**I'll** leave!"

she gathered her coat and bag and ran out of the door, pushing Remus aside, leaving Sirius standing there, as if a club had just hit him over the head, wondering what he had just done.

--

Emmeline wandered the streets, tears glittering on her face. Her life had come to an end. The man she loved didn't want her, and now she had nowhere to go. The streets seemed so much scarier when she didn't know what to do. Everyone around her was heading one way or the other with direction, with a purpose, not noticing a young woman, stranded, with not a thought on what to do.

She sank onto a bench outside Flourish and Blotts, resolving to sleep there until she could figure out what to do. Of course, she could always go to Order Headquarters, but she did not want all the order members to know what had happened between her and Sirius. She lay on her side, trying not to notice the furtive glances passersby were giving her. So she was basically homeless and a hobo. She still had her pride. She would not care what people thought of her.

"Em?"

She sat up abruptly, to see James and Lily standing arm and arm over her.

Lily looked worried, "Em, what are you doing out here?"

Emmeline burst into tears, "Sirius...drunk...came home...yelled...thought I was with Gideon...banished me...nowhere to go!"

James gasped, "What? Sirius told you to leave?"

She nodded, sniffing deeply.

Lily shook her head, "Come, sweet, we bought a house out in Godric's Hollow, you can come stay with us there."

Emmeline sniffed once more, "Y-you mean it, Lils?"

Lily laughed, "Of course, Em. You're my best friend, I would never just leave you here. Sirius may be stupid enough to not want you, but we do. Now come."

She stood up, and James turned to Lily, "I'm...going to go see Sirius. Knock some sense into him." with that he disapparated, leaving Lily hoping that he did not mean knock in the literal sense.

--

"Leave me alone." said Sirius like a moody little boy, turning away from James, his arms crossed over his chest.

"No." said James resolutely, his eyes blazing, "You broke her heart, you know that, Padfoot?"

He turned back to face him, tears glistening on his face, "You don't think I know that?! You don't think I'm kicking myself for hurting her like that, for being so stupid as to lose her?!"

James clenched his jaw, "You have to go back and make things right."

"She won't take me back."

James sighed frustratedly, "**Yes**, she will! She loves you, Padfoot!"

"Not after what I said to her."

Remus spoke up from the corner, "Regardless, Sirius, you have to apologise. She might not take you back, but you have to at least **try**."

Sirius rounded on him in anger, "I would if I had any hope! It's a miracle that she ever took me in the first place, back in school! What with Gideon, and the fact that I'm rude, and inconsiderate...I come from a family of pureblood maniacs...and it was so hard to get her in the first place, and now that I've lost her, I've lost my one chance! I don't get another chance."

James let out a gust of exasperated breath, "Stop feeling so sorry for yourself! If you think she didn't love you so much that it hurt you're kidding yourself! Who cares about Gideon? She loves **you**! Yes, you blew it, but you could still have her again if you even tried!"

Sirius let out a strangled yell, clutching handfuls of his own hair, "You don't understand! It was so difficult, and now I've finally freed her, and she won't ever want me again! And stop acting like you know all about her, as if you do! Or are you getting some action on her as well as Gideon?!"

Completely unheralded, James's fist came down and smacked Sirius in the face, making him fall to the floor, "How dare you. How dare you ever suggest that I would take advantage of Emmeline, that I would betray my best friend, and the woman I love. Just...just listen to yourself. Remus and I are going to leave you to contemplate all of this, because, frankly, right now, Padfoot, you disgust me."

James turned on his heel, and Remus followed him out the door, leaving Sirius sprawled out on the floor, frankly, disgusted with himself as well.

--

**a/n: more coming soon, I promise! please please please R&R!**

**Overbold**

**A gray, dank room  
only a single light  
in the corner a dusty broom  
desolate and dark as night  
rats are the only company here  
not one person crosses my gaze  
I huddle up in fear  
and squint through the foggy haze  
Then he walks in  
the gray walls turn to blue  
a ray of sun pierces the din  
the rusted metal turns to new  
I no longer feel cold despair  
the sun shines through in gold  
the universe seems more than fair  
I suddenly feel overbold  
Because I love him more than I am told**

**Two Sided**

**the romantic  
wishes  
closes her eys and wishes  
for a man  
to hold her  
to complete her  
closes her eyes tight  
crosses her fingers  
and breathlessly  
wishes dearly  
for companionship  
for fulfillment  
for closeness  
the romantic  
begs for love  
the feminist  
abhors  
closes her eyes and abhors  
men  
that elevate themselves  
that feed off  
a woman's love  
she absolutely abhors  
a man who will  
take her for granted  
think himself  
better  
than her  
a man like this  
she abhors  
the feminist  
sneers at love  
at companionship  
at commitment  
the romantic  
shakes her head  
at independance  
at strength  
at conspiricating theories  
but is this so  
just because  
the romantic  
and  
the feminist  
are afraid of each other  
and each other's  
beliefs?  
because they have not  
seen the merit  
and the downfalls  
of each other's  
personalities?  
So I urge you  
to look at yourself  
in the mirror  
and hope  
that you are two sided  
so that you have  
the values  
of both the willful  
romantic  
and  
the pessimistic  
feminist...**

**a/n: I have a thousand more, because I found them on the back of all of my texas history and math notes! But I'll save those for later chapters...please R&R the poems too!**


	18. Dreams Last For So Long

**a/n: here's some depressing poems for your enjoyment...I think this will just be a chapter of poems to convey how Sirius and Emmeline are feeling...please R&R**

**Depression**

**The sun graces us with its presence  
while others flock outside  
to bathe in the golden rays  
but I don't feel it  
I can't see the bright light  
it's just a dull gray  
though all I see  
is the black night  
no stars twinkle  
in my desolate sky  
I'm sleepwalking  
through this endless nightmare  
a hard, fake plaster  
coats me and  
my broken true self  
lurks in the shadows  
away from the terror  
away from indecision  
shrouded  
in misery  
fright  
and utter indifference  
that frightens me more  
than fear itself**

**Tears Fall**

**tears fall  
like despondant tokens  
of our misery  
and leave us broken  
and hoping  
for a new sun  
to shine down  
and warm the ground  
but our depression  
never passes  
because the world  
remains grey  
and as you look around  
you know it's here to stay  
everywhere  
it's apparent  
when you see  
shattered hopes  
destroyed dreams  
angry faces  
no more love  
shines through the world  
and all there is  
is harsh winds  
destructive storms  
and the creases  
on our faces  
from unuse and hurt  
that were never  
there before  
become obvious  
more and more  
our faces  
wear a uniform expression  
as sorrow rules  
and our tears fall  
like jewels**

**Flower**

**picture a flower  
it's just a bud  
a bee, yellow and black  
comes to rest  
on its pure white petals  
the flower blooms  
its leaves  
reach towards the sun  
its pollen floats  
along towards the bee  
it is beautiful  
the bee flys away  
promising to visit  
taking the flower's  
pollen with it  
picture the flower  
drooping  
dejected  
unseen forces  
tear it up  
its stem leaks juice  
its pure white petals  
turn deep bloodred  
it's torn up  
it falls  
and its soul  
dies  
as it one last  
time  
wishes  
for the bee  
to take its pollen  
once more**

**Distant**

**even though between us  
there's a distance  
I'll be by your side  
in an instance  
you're free to leave  
if you wish  
but just know that  
you I'll miss  
because you can always  
make my heart sing  
when I see you  
it does crazy things  
I love to be by your side  
for days and days  
I can never from you  
stay away  
and if it's a walk  
a stroll or a dance  
for you I'll always  
take a chance  
when you're there my colors  
always seem brighter  
and I feel more beautiful  
and the sun is lighter  
and it simply happens when  
i stand next to you  
and only for someone  
special  
will I stay true  
and I would have to  
say  
that that special  
someone  
is most definitely  
you**

**a/n: I promise next chapter, actual story, but I found a gazillion poems, so I decided to get most of them out of the way in a oneshot so I could continue with the rest of the story in the next chapter. Please R&R!**


	19. I Guess Thats Why They Call It The Blues

**a/n: here's a happy poem for the road...it has no name...**

**come sit near me  
because, you see  
when you're away  
the sun doesn't shine for days  
because you are my glowing sun  
I know you won't shun  
me or anything I do  
that's why I love to be with you  
it's all the simple things  
like the way I can tell you anything  
how you are my other half  
how you can always make me laugh  
like when I'm close to you  
I soar through the sky of blue**

--

Emmeline sat nervously in between Gideon and Fabian, anxiously wringing her hands. This Order meeting would be the first time she would see Sirius since their big fight. She didn't know what would happen when he learned that she was with Gideon now. The very thing he had broken up with her over. It was not true then but it was true now, and Sirius would hold it to have been true then even more. Just as he had broken her heart, she was set out to break his.

--

Sirius took in deep breaths, Remus patting him on the back.

"Just go for it, mate." said Remus encouragingly, "What could go wrong? If you're sincere, she'll take you back. She still loves you, I know it."

Sirius bit his lip, straightened his back, and marched through the door. The sight that met his eyes was not the one he had bargained for. Emmeline, with her arms around Gideon, his mouth glued to hers.

Hate surged through Sirius's belly at the sight, and quickly turning on his heel, he dashed out of the Headquarters and sat on a stone bench outside, wiping away the hot tears that were coarsing down his cheeks. So she really had been with Gideon this whole time. Well let her go be happy with him. Sirius didn't need her. Except...except when he pictured her soft, short black hair blowing in the wind, when he pictured the dimples in her cheeks folding up in a smile, when he pictured her enveloped in his kiss, he felt weak in the knees. Sirius had been with alot of girls, and not a single one of them made him feel the way Emmeline did. She was real, and what they had was **real**. And now it was all gone. He had lost his chance. He was alone, and she was with someone else.

"Padfoot?"

Sirius turned to see James and Lily, hand in hand, staring concernedly at him.

"What's wrong?" asked James, sitting down beside him.

Sirius swallowed, "I saw...Emmeline...with...with..." he stopped, and buried his face in his hands. It hurt too much.

James sighed, "Gideon?"

Sirius's head snapped up, "You knew?" he asked sharply.

Lily sighed and sat down on the other side of Sirius, "How could we not? Em's been living with us, remember?"

Sirius stared at his feet, "So...was she..."

"With him while you two were together?" James shook his head, "Never. She was completely yours, mate, but you couldn't trust her, and you let yourself get loose in front of her. Now she's...with Gideon, and he makes her happy. Not nearly as happy as she was with you, mind, but happy enough for the time being."

Sirius closed his eyes in agony, "It's just...I thought...I thought this was **it**, you know. I-I was going to...propose..."

"Oh, Sirius." Lily enveloped him in her arms, and he felt her sympathy, and it felt as if he was being hugged by a caring mother, something he had never experienced.

They sat in silence for a while, not voicing their thoughts until James spoke.

"I know it's a bad time to ask, but will you be my best man?"

--

Emmeline and Dorcas dashed around Lily's house, gathering up the plans, while an exasperated Lily sat irritated at the kitchen table.

"Girls! I know Dumbledore gave us the months off of Order stuff so we could plan the wedding, but don't you think three hundred guests is a bit much? I don't even know that many people!" called Lily to Dorcas and Emmeline who were bolting around upstairs.

Emmeline ran back into the room with a leather binder in her hands and sat down next to Lily with a sigh, "Fine. How many people do you want to invite?"

Lily shrugged, "I don't know. Just, my parents, all of you, all of the Order members...who else would I invite?"

Dorcas came skipping into the room, in her hands a tan dress bag, "Okay, okay, Lily. That makes...about thirty. Are you sure that's all you want?"

Lily nodded, "Of course I'm sure."

Emmeline sighed, "Well, what do you think of these?" she began flipping through the binder, which had numerous pictures of centerpieces.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, "Never mind about the silly flowers! What do you think of your **dress**?" she unzipped the bag with a flourish, and dangled a pure white, plain, spaghetti strap dress with a heartshaped neckline in front of Lily.

She gasped, "It's...it's beautiful!"

Emmeline grinned, "Put it on!"

Lily sighed, "Fine." she went into the bathroom, and after a little shuffling, slipped the gown over her head and walked out to model it in front of Emmeline and Dorcas. This dress. It made her feel...gorgeous. These dark times were hardly the right time to be worrying about how you looked, but there was something about a perfect new dress that made you forget to be modest. Something about it that made you suddenly vain, but in a good way. Lily loved this dress.

Emmeline gasped, "You look wonderful, Lils."

Lily grinned, "You really think so?"

Dorcas laughed out loud, coming closer to examine the simple folds of white fabric, "Most definitely."

Lily smiled, smoothing her hands over her dress. It **was** wonderful. She was getting married in this dress! It would be historical. She could pass it down her daughter, who could pass it down to **her **daughter.

Dorcas grinned, "I'll get Remus. We need a male opinion."

She went out, and came back with Remus in tow. He stopped short when he saw her and gaped.

Lily chuckled, "That bad, eh?"

"Bad?" Remus shook his head vehemently, "Lily...you look...Prongs is going to be...just...wow."

Lily giggled, "Speechlesness is a reaction I would most definitely opt for!"

Lily went to change out of it again, and came back into the room feeling satisfied. Her wedding, despite the harsh world and climate they were in, would be beautiful. Nothing could ruin this day.

--

**a/n: I'll be updating soon...I know it was a short chapter, but there wasn't really much I wanted to say...please R&R! and also, I need some help: I'm a fairly new member on , so, when I was reading the captions of other stories I didn't really get it...so I need some help with the lingo...like what's OC, and what's AU? I would be grateful if readers would enlighten me with this information.**

**Emmeline to Sirius:**

**Whimless**

**these memories  
they're ones I can't erase  
I see flashes  
of your face  
and it hurts so much  
I yearn for your touch  
I think slowly  
how you caused me pain  
how I tried to chase you  
in the pouring rain  
I thought I could do it  
live without you  
but it was so untrue  
I need you here like I need to breathe  
even though I begged for you to leave  
It's too hard to say  
should I keep you  
or chase you away  
either way I know  
I'll be broken  
because you were outspoken  
you hurt me with your words  
you made me cry  
but when you're not here  
i can no longer fly  
I clutch my hair in handfulls  
what do I do  
because I don't need you  
but strangely I want you too  
It's hard to find the truth  
in this tangled web of lies  
with you and your disguise  
I wouldn't call it true love  
but somehow it was enough  
though also I wanted more  
because you allowed me to soar  
I was grounded with your hate  
It was a feeling I couldn't shake  
you thought I would act on a whim  
you thought I would love him  
so while these heaving sobs  
shake my chest  
I beg of you  
to give it a rest  
I feel deranged and insane  
because you caused me  
so much pain  
i tear the curtains you gave me  
from the shodden wall  
and with a shuddering gasp  
I fall  
I lie there on the ground  
hoping desperately to be found**


	20. Blackbird singing in the dead of night

**In honor of Remus because he doesn't get much attention**

**Moonlight**

**moonlight is  
softly shimmering  
bask in its glow  
in its glory  
fill yourself  
with serenity  
let it wash away  
all that haunts  
and all that hates  
all your misery  
watch its beautiful  
but faintly frightening  
shadow  
it glorifies but also  
terrifies  
fill yourself  
with that ellusive  
and that perpetual  
dream of day  
that will keep  
you standing tall  
though despair  
beats you down  
with its silvery sheen**

**okay, I know I've been doing a lot of poems lately, but I've dispensed them all, so I promise, more stories from now on, though there may be a poem here and there every other chapter or so**

--

Remus sat crosslegged on the veranda staring at the moon again. It was so beautiful. But so destructive. It was a curse and a blessing.

"Hullo, Remus." Dorcas walked through the double doors to sit down next to him.

He smiled, "Hey, Dorcas."

She smiled back. He was so cute! She sighed, "What are you doing out here?"

He shrugged, "Staring at the moon."

She bit her lip, and could almost kick herself, "Oh."

He laughed, "It's all right. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Definitely."

"Okay." she sounded relieved.

They sat in a contented silence for a few seconds until Dorca spoke up, "Isn't it crazy, Lily and James getting married?"

Remus laughed, "Yes. I remember a day back when Prongs was just a popular, bigheaded, mischief-causing prat, and Lily was a top student who despised him to her very core. I never thought they would ever end up together, Lily hated him so much. Even more so, I never thought Prongs would ever settle down."

Dorcas nodded, "Yes, he's very go with the flow, but I guess...he's very oldfashioned. Did you know he was the one who convinced **her** to get married?"

Remus's eyes widened, "No! I thought for sure she was the one who initiated it."

Dorcas shook her head, "Nope. He wanted to get married when we were in seventh year...well not then but eventually, but she wanted to just be an independant woman. But he won her over in the end and now she's so happy about it that it seems like she wanted this from the very start."

Remus sighed, "Everything seems to be changing so fast, doesn't it? Peter with his new job, all the work with the Order, James and Lily getting married, Emmeline with her new boyfriend, you getting signed for a second string reserve team. Sirius and I seem to be the only ones staying the same. We're too busy with Order work that James and Sirius can't go to Auror training."

Dorcas agreed, "Yeah, I feel bad about that, but they don't seem to be complaining. Order work is plenty dangerous and thrilling."

Remus grimaced, "I don't know if thrilling is what you'd call it. Horrifying, maybe."

Dorcas leaned back to rest her head on her hands so she lay facing the stars, "You know, Remus, you don't have to be entirely successful to be a perfect person."

Remus leaned back as well, "So you don't think I'm successful?"

"No!" exclaimed Dorcas, desperately backtracking, "I just meant that...I know things are changing, and I know you feel left behind, but that doesn't make you less of a person. You're brave, and smart, and you do wonders for the Order. It's just..."

"Being a werewolf that's the problem." he finished for her, "I hate it. If I was just...just..._normal _I could have a life! But no, people shun me just because of something that I can't even control, that's not my fault."

Dorcas felt a cut of sympathy in her side, "Oh, Remus. You are normal...you've just got a problem."

Remus laughed, "You sound like James. He calls it my furry little problem in company. Many people are under the impression that I own a badly behaved rabbit!"

Dorcas smiled, "I remember that. Before I knew of your...condition, I used to think so too."

Remus sighed, "If only things could be so simple again."

Dorcas held his hand, her heart beating, "Things aren't complicated, Remus. Yes, they're hard. You can't get a job, and people hold a prejudice against you, and you're part of a rebel organization and every day you're in the danger of getting killed. But you have to remember the things that are important."

Remus gave a disbelieving laugh, "Really? Like what? I have no money to speak of, my family is all dead, I have no girlfriend."

It pained her heart. **She **could be his girlfriend, "You're friends. Remus we all love you, and I know things are changing, but we will stay with you always and never leave you behind. I promise."

Remus turned to face her, "You're such a good friend."

She smiled sadly, feeling tears start to leak out of her eyes, "That's all I wish. To be a good friend."

"Really?"

"No." and without further prompt, she rolled over and her lips met his, and before either of them knew what was happening Remus had his arms around her and they were locked in a passionate kiss.

Remus broke away suddenly with a gasp, "Dorcas!"

A red blush creeped onto her face, "Oh, no. Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no! Ohmigosh, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me."

Remus stared at her, "Well...I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have kissed you back."

Dorcas stared down at her hands, quailing under his gaze, "That bad, huh?"

"no!" Remus stopped and took a deep breath, "What I meant was just that...the kiss wasn't bad, just...you and **me**?"

She frowned, "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing!" his voice squeaked, and his speech slowed, "I just, I didn't know you liked me like that."

"Remus...I've liked you like that for a while now."

"Then why didn't you say anything?!" he burst out, "I would have said yes!"

Her eyes widened, "Really?"

He smiled at her, "Yes. I've liked you like that for a while as well."

She laughed out loud, "No way! Because I was so going to go for it, then Lily told me you liked that second year girl, Nymphadora."

His face hardened at the mention of her name, but Dorcas didn't notice, "No. We're just friends. And...I was going to approach you as well...but...I didn't know if you would want someone like...well, someone like me."

He looked down, his eyebrows furrowed, casting the rest of his face besides his forehead into a dark, brooding shadow.

She pressed her hand against his cheek. It was cold.

"Oh, Remus. Nobody cares about that, especially not me. It just makes you all the more interesting and wonderful. I would never wish you different."

"Truly?" he asked, looking up, clutching her hand.

"Of course." and they embraced once more, Dorcas overcome with intense love. She buried her face into his robes, loving the warmth radiating from his body, the strength of the arms that held her. She felt like she had never felt before.

--

**a/n: part of this scene I got from _Friends_, the TV show...and if you've never watched that show, you totally should...not as good as That 70's show, but still awesome!**

"okay, girls. Now comes decision time." started Lily, staring her two closest friends in the face.

Emmeline frowned, "For what?"

Lily grimaced, "I have to pick between you two to be my maid of honor."

Emmeline and Dorcas exchanged glances.

Lily smiled, "Okay, well I thought we should do a sort of...trade off. Like, hypothetically if...Emmeline was my maid of honor, than I would be Dorcas's, and Dorcas would be Emmeline's."

Dorcas frowned, "Why does Em get to be your maid of honor?"

Lily slapped her forehead, "Meadowes! I don't want to pick, you guys. But it was a hypothetical situation! I just meant that we could each do each other's weddings, and it would be sort of like...a triangle!"

Dorcas nodded, "Okay, I get it. But how do we decide who gets to be your maid of honor?"

Lily smiled evilly, "That's the fun part. You two get to decide."

--

_Dear Lily,  
I deeply regret ever estranging you. I deeply hope we can put the past behind us and move on as two sisters should. If you would just drop your wizard friends, and come back to your family, your flesh and blood, I would welcome you with open arms. Come live with me, have a new, normal life. I promise you can be happy if you sever your ties with your wizard friends and come back to live with me again.  
Your Dearest Sister,  
Petunia_

Lily stared at the letter. It dropped out of her hands and fluttered to the ground. How...how **dare** she!

James walked into the room, and seeing her tortured expression, came to sit next to her, "What's wrong?"

Lily tore it up before James saw, "It's nothing, darling."

James frowned, "You sure?"

Lily forced a smile, "Yes, sweet. I'm fine."

James nodded, not completely satisfied, but guessing that he wasn't going to get an answer out of her.

Suddenly Sirius ran through the door, Emmeline and Peter at his heels.

Lily stood up and helped Sirius to a chair, "What's wrong, padfoot?"

Sirius gasped, "Dorcas! Dorcas...she was...was fighting with Fabian against Bellatrix Black and Rodolphus Lestrange in Diagon Alley, in the square just outside here, and Voldemort showed up!"

Lily screamed, "No!"

Sirius's eyes were horrified, "Yes. He wants an unborn boy. And he thought Dorcas would have information about that boy, so...he tortured her...until he killed her."

Lily's eyes watered and she broke down, "No! No! No, no no! Not Dorcas!"

Emmeline came over and hugged her and then James and Sirius came and then Peter until all of them were in a huddled mass, sobbing with grief.

--

Lily sat with Remus in a nondescript room in Order Headquarters. He had his head in his hands and hadn't spoken for over twenty minutes.

"Remus..." Lily put a hand on his shoulder.

"What?!" his head jerked up in a twitchy motion, "I'm fine. Who cares if my parents died, the world hates me and now the one thing left in the world that seemed worthwhile is gone? No matter. I was already depressed, who cares if happiness never enters my life again? Who cares if I'll never find love again?!" his voice had reached a hysterical level, and Lily, alarmed, pulled Remus into an embrace.

Lily patted his back awkwardly, "I know it's hard, Remus."

Remus frowned, "No you don't. You have no idea, Lily. I appreciate your empathy, but you can never have sympathy for me."

Lily sighed, and pulled away, "I know, Remus. I'm sorry."

He shook his head, waving off her apology. They were silent for a while, then Remus spoke, "He wants an unborn boy?"

Lily's hand jumped unheralded down to her stomach, "Um, yes, so it would seem. He was searching for the mother."

He frowned at her hand, then at her stomach, "Lily..." he said slowly.

Lily combed her finger through her hair anxiously, tucking it behind her ear, her eyes jumping around the room, "Yes?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, "You're not...pregnant, are you?"

Suddenly her eyes stopped skittering and fixed wildly on his, her gaze terrified, "What would make you think that?"

He looked sideways at her, "You have been gaining weight lately..."

She froze, her eyes suddenly malicious, "What, so a girl isn't allowed to put on a few pounds? I have to maintain a perfect figure now?"

He sighed, "That's not what I said, Lily. Just tell me. Are you pregnant or not?"

She let out a wail and collapsed into Remus's arms, "Oh, Remus! I am, and I'm so scared!"

He stroked her hair, calming her, "How far along?"

"A few weeks, give or take a few..." she said, gulping.

He frowned, "How **long**?"

She sighed, "A month. Remus, I'm terrified!"

"Shh." he said, "It'll be alright, Lily. Does James know?"

Lily's lip trembled, "n-no! I'm scared he'll get mad at me or something! He'll say things like, we're too young, how could you have been so stupid as to bring a baby into the world now, with death eaters and voldemort on the loose, hunting us down! He'll ask how I supposed we could care for him, how we can make a life or protect him now."

Remus shook his head, "How could you think that, Lily? This isn't your fault. James loves you and would never say anything like that. He'll be overjoyed."

Lily's watery eyes shone with happiness, "Really? Do you really think so?"

Remus chuckled, "I know so."

Lily frowned, "Still...don't tell James until after the wedding. Please?"

he sighed, "Ok, Lily. Fine."

She smiled, "You're a wonderful friend, Remus."

"I have to look out for you, Lily. You're carrying the one glowing spot of light in these dark times."

--

**a/n: oh yes!! look out cuz I'm back in black!! i was grounded from the computer for a while but now im back and better than ever! i apologize for the absence of writing but i hope that my faithful readers will keep watching for updates!**


	21. Count Up the Years

**I know that a lot of you, when you think of wedding you think of a starchy white dress and a chapel, but I'm different that way, and I'm making Lily and James have a very...erm, interesting wedding with not your typical attire or setting, and I'm not letting a religion dominate this ceremony as I'm agnostic.**

Lily could feel drafty wind around her legs as it blew up her floaty white halter top dress. Why they had to get married by the sea, with all that cold air, she would never know. She shivered, but once she caught sight of the smoldering look in James's eyes as he stood across from her, looking strikingly handsome in a buckled black vest over a starched white shirt, a fedora perched jauntily on his head, she was warmed immediatley.

A judge stood in front of them, and they repeated after her, but were mostly just being caught up in each other's eyes. Sirius, Remus and Peter stood behind James all wearing buckled vests over white shirts and creased black pants, and Emmeline, Marlene, and Alice stood behind her, all wearing the same dress as Lily except in blue. Lily had felt a pang looking at the three of them. She had got Marlene to stand in for Dorcas at the last minute, but her bridesmaids just didn't look right without Dorcas among them, her exuberant face shining with happiness for Lily.

Lily sighed and turned her attention back to James and the Judge. The judge had just asked them to say their vows.

"I do." said James, looking down at his hands shakily.

Lily looked him straight in the eye, "I do." they slid the rings on each others' fingers, and before waiting for the Judge's consent, they enveloped each other in a kiss.

Lily loved the feel of his warm lips on hers, the love of the arms that held her. Laughing, Lily and James ran past four rows of people, faces flashing by them. Dumbledore, her parents, all of the order, no Petunia, some teachers from Hogwarts, Flitwick, McGonnagall, Slughorn, even Hagrid...

They came up to an extra-elongated broom decorated with bows and flowers. James flung one leg over it, and Lily jumped on behind him, holding onto his waist for dear life as they rose above chimney tops then plummeted down to their home in Godric's Hollow, where the party would be.

--

Lily sat alone in bed that night. She sat against the headboard, huddled up in the cold, her back pressed uncomfortably against the slats in the board. She couldn't allow herself to be comfortable because if she was comfortable she would fall asleep and wouldn't be awake when James came home. James and Sirius were out fighting on Dumbledore's orders. Lily had begged and begged for James to stay. It was their wedding night! But she knew just as well as everybody else that James and Sirius were the best for this job. They were out to kill Bellatrix Black.

Fear clawed unheralded in the pit of Lily's stomach. This mission was so dangerous! What if...what if James didn't come back? Her unborn boy would grow up without a father, and she, Lily, would be alone. Yes, she would have her friends there for her, but nothing, **nothing**, could ever compare to James. He had escaped Voldemort himself twice already, but what if this time luck was not in his favor? What if this time fate had something else in store for him? She felt like Cleopatra, waiting anxiously in Alexandria for Caesar to come back from his endless campaigns in Parthia and the east. She had already lost Dorcas. She could just not deal with losing James. He was the most important thing in her life. Her only love. She glanced down at slightly protruding stomach. Well, that was soon to change. She would love this baby just as much. Perhaps even more, but in a different way. James was her other half, her equal, and her love. This, this was something much different. It was her child. Maternal feelings surged through Lily, and she suddenly realized that she would be one of the two people who were in charge of this thing. This living, breathing thing. It was theirs.

Tears sprung out of Lily's eyes. This baby would never know Dorcas. He would look at old pictures of Dorcas and just think of her as someone from his parent's past. She would never be a part of his life.

"Lily!"

Lily jumped at James's voice. She ran downstairs when she heard him pounding on the door, and flung open the door. James and Sirius stood behind it, looking a little worse for wear, but they were alive.

"Oh thank god!" lily wailed, flinging herself on James, kissing every part of him she could reach, "Oh, I thought-" she kissed his cheek, "-you were-" she brushed her lips on his left eyelid, "-dead!" she kissed his lips.

"Lily!" James pulled away looking annoyed, "I could be a death eater for all you know."

Lily sighed, "James..."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "Ask the question!"

Lily rolled her eyes, "What shape does my patronus take?"

He grinned at her, "A doe. And mine?"

She smiled, "A stag."

He took her hand, Sirius following him into the living room, "All right now, Mrs. Potter. Why the enthusiasm, and all the worry? I've gone on missions before."

She shrugged, "I don't know, it was our wedding day, and I was all alone and Dorcas has just gone, and I was just imagining what would happen if I lost you. And..."

They sat down, and Sirius sat across from them, taking a swig of firewhisky that he had in his coat pocket.

"And?" prompted James.

Lily glanced sideways at Sirius, "Well...I have to tell you...I'm..."

"You're?"

Lily sighed, "Please please don't get mad! I was too scared to tell you before."

James took one of her hands and pressed it to his lips, "Why would I get mad? I love you, remember. You should never be scared to tell me anything."

Lily looked away, "Jamie, I'm pregnant." Sirius dropped his bottle of firewhisky in shock and it shattered all over the floor.

She felt his hand squeeze hers a little stronger to the point where it almost hurt, but almost instantly he relaxed, "Are you serious?"

She nodded, cringing away from him.

He laughed out loud and buried her in an exuberant hug, "This is marvelous, love! I'm going to be a father!"

She looked up at him in surprise, "You're not mad?"

He laughed, "Why would I be mad? I know it's not the best time to be bringing a child into this world, but...I love you, and this is...this is the happiest day of my life."

She smiled and buried herself in his arms, loving the warmth, "I love you so much."

James looked over at Sirius over the top of Lily's head, "You'll be godfather?"

--

James sat in a stiff plastic chair, wringing his hands and tapping his foot nervously. Sirius, Remus and Emmeline sat around him. Peter was nowhere to be seen.

Sirius yawned, "Would you cut it out, Prongs? You're bringing back reminiscence of the way my mother used to rap her cane on the floor when she was mad."

Remus laughed, "He's just anxious, Padfoot. I would be, too, if I were about to be a father."

James looked up at them, his eyes shining, "I'm going to have a son."

Sirius laughed, "All right, Prongs, don't wet yourself now."

James rolled his eyes, "Way to take away the moment, Paddy. I'm starting to have second thoughts about your appointment. Maybe I should have made Remus godfather instead."

"What!" Sirius had been lounging on the back legs of his chair but when he heard James's comment, the front legs hit the floor with a bang, "You can't take it back now, Prongs!"

Remus grinned, "It's allright, Padfoot. Werewolves don't make good godfathers anyhow."

James nodded absentmindedly staring at the white door in St. Mungo's where Lily was having their son. He had insisted on being with her for the process, but the healer's had had him barred.

A healer walked out of the doors, clothed in green robes, "You may come see your wife now, Mr. Potter. After you have a few minutes with her and your son the rest of your friends may come see them."

Before she could finish her sentance, James was up and through the doors. He stopped short at the sight. Lily sat in a white bed, her arms around a chubby baby with messy black hair and striking green eyes, cooing to him, and kissing his forehead, the biggest smile on her face. He felt terrible. He felt as if he was intruding upon something private. A scene between mother and son that had nothing to do with him. This was Lily's moment.

He slowly tried to back out the door, but Lily glanced up and saw him, "Jamie! Come, sweetie!" he reluctantly walked over, and sat down on the chair next to her.

Lily laughed, "Come sit here, love." she patted the space on the bed next to her, and he sat down slowly on the space.

She smiled at him, "Here, hold him." she passed him over, and James held him. He couldn't have been more than six or seven pounds he was so light, and once James had him in his arms, the baby instantly reached out to tug on his hair.

Lily laughed, "You look so awkward with him! Just be comfortable. He's not an alien, he's your son."

James looked down at the baby boy, "My son." he murmured, mesmerized by the green eyes that so resembled Lily's. That's right! This baby was his son as well, not just Lily's, and...now Lily was intruding on something private. Something between father and son.

Lily smiled, running her fingers through the baby's flyaway black hair, "What shall we call this devil?"

James bit his lips, looking down at the little creature in his arms, "How about after my father? Harold? He was a great man, and I can already tell that this little monster is going to be famous."

Lily mussed his hair, "Okay, love, just Harold seems to formal. How about Harry?"

"Harry?" James smiled down at the baby, "I like it. Harry Potter." the baby gurgled in delight, and Lily and James laughed happily.

Lily smiled, "Harry it is."

Just then, Emmeline, Sirius, and Remus burst through the door.

Emmeline laughed, "I'm sorry, we just couldn't stand the anxiety any longer!"

James chuckled, "It's ok. I introduce to you, Harry Potter, the most incredible baby boy you've ever met!" And even as he held out Harry for the rest of them to see, even as he laughed and shared in their joy, he felt as if the three of them were intruding on something private. Not between mother and son or father and son, but between family. The Potters. They were a team now, and as he stared at his beautiful wife and beautiful son, he knew he would die for them, and that nothing, absolutely nothing could stand in the way of their love.

--


	22. We Light a Candle on an Earth

Emmeline sat idly in a hard chair in Gideon and Fabian's apartment feeling uncomfortable. It was two days since Harry had been born and she and Gideon were going out to buy a present for the Potters.

"Hey, love." Gideon walked into the room, dressed, looking carelessly handsome in jeans and a white button up shirt with the top three buttons undone, his flaming red hair falling into his eyes.

She smiled, "Hey." she stood up and took his hand and they headed out the door. Gideon was...so perfect for her. He liked all the same things as her, he could talk to her for hours, and he cared about her so much. It was just...it felt like he was a wonderful friend. And that's all he was meant to be. A friend. As she held his hand, it felt sweaty. It felt overlarge as it completely covered hers. He was so great, Emmeline just felt mismatched with him. She loved him. That was true. She just didn't love him that much or that way.

They walked out onto the street in Diagon Alley and simultaneously disapparated. They were going to an Order Meeting first. They reached the Hogwarts grounds and because they had time to spare, started carelessly walking around the lake.

They sat down cross-legged on the fresh grass next to the lake, underneath the old beech tree.

Gideon smiled at her, "Can you believe all this? James and Lily seem so grown up now. Married and with child."

Emmeline laughed, "Yes it's very incredible. If you asked me back when we were in school if I thought they would ever end up together and be so in love, I would have laughed right in your face."

Gideon stroked her cheek, "Did you ever think about..."

She jerked her head away, and immediately adorned an apologetic expression when she caught sight of Gideon's hurt face, "Getting married? I don't really...think I'm ready yet, you know?"

Suddenly Gideon's eyes hazed over, and he plunged a hand into his robes, and before Emmeline could say a word, his wand was pointed straight at her heart, her wand was in his hand, and his face had a maniacal look in it.

"Gideon!" she shouted, what was he doing?

"Don't say another word, or I'll make him kill you." Emmeline turned to see a tall, white, figure stepping out of the forbidden forest, his scarlet eyes flashing maliciously. He was flanked by Nott, Avery, and a death eater whose hood covered his face.

All the breath seemed to be knocked out of Emmeline. She was terrified. Lord Voldemort, the most malicious and deadly wizard in the world had her life in his hands. She knew there would be no way she could make it out of this alive. She had no wand.

He sneered, flicking his wand upward. Gideon's wand traveled from her heart to between her eyes.

Voldemort chuckled softly, "Now if you tell me what I need to know, I will let you go unscathed."

Emmeline seriously doubted that. Even if she did tell him what he wanted to know, he would most definitely kill her. It would be a miracle if she escaped mortally injured.

Voldemort smiled, "Tell me. Where is the boy?"

Emmeline frowned, "What boy?"

Voldemort laughed as if he thought her ignorance amusing, "Lily's boy. Where is he?"

No, no, no! Emmeline was petrified, "I'll never hand over Harry."

Voldemort's expression changed instantly from casual to furious, "You will tell me. Now!"

"No!" she screamed, "I would never betray my friends."

"All right then." Voldemort calmly flicked his wand forward, and Gideon opened his mouth to say the words. Emmeline waited for them. _Avada Kedavra_. But they never came.

Emmeline opened her eyes and looked up at Gideon. His eyes were still glazed over, his wand still pointed between her eyes, but he seemed to be fighting an internal battle.

Voldemort hissed impatiently, "You're useless." he flicked his wand sideways casually, and muttered the words, "Avada Kedavra." Gideon crumpled, lifeless in front of Emmeline's eyes. Emmeline let out a gasp of horror and loss.

"Gideon!" she cried. Voldemort had killed him as if he was nothing, insignificant. As if he was just a small insect in the way.

"Silence!" cried Voldemort, his red eyes malicious, "Tell me now, or I will kill you."

"My lord." a death eater next to him whispered, interrupting the proceedings, "Let her go, I know where the boy is."

Voldemort's eyes flashed, "Well why didn't you say so, vermin? You are to be punished. Do not keep things from Lord Voldemort." he turned back to Emmeline, "I will let you go, but only because I want you to convey a message. Tell the Potters that I am coming for their son." he smiled and turned away, and just before disapparating, he whispered, "I just love a good challenge."

--

Dumbledore sat before Lily and James, stroking his chin, "I suggest you switch Peter as your secret keeper instead of Sirius. It will keep Voldemort off your track."

James swallowed, "Ok, but if we do that, are we still in danger?"

Dumbledore sighed, rubbing his temples, "A chance, yes. But you two are ample fighters, and we'll have guards stationed around your house, so there's no need to worry."

Lily clutched James hand tight, and repeated, as if to reassure herself, "There's no need to worry."

--

**a/n: yes, yes, yes, i know, extremely short chapter, but that's how it's gotta be. updates coming very soon! please R&R!**


	23. Sleight of Hand and Twist of Fate

Lily laughed as she jiggled Harry up and down on her knee. He giggled in delight and reached up to yank on her hair. She kissed his forehead and set him down on the counter, and retrieved the scissors. He needed a haircut. Again. Why he had to have James's hair, Lily would never know. Sighing, she desperately smoothed her hand over it, trying to make it lie flat.

"That won't work, you know."

Lily turned to see James standing in the doorway, brushing snow out of his own messy black hair.

She smiled, "This hair has a mind of it's own. Let's just be glad he's not a girl or we'd have many fits."

James walked over and kissed his wife and son, "Look what Sirius got the little devil!" he said gleefully, pulling a miniature broomstick out from behind his back.

Lily pressed her hand to her heart, "I am going to kill him! Under no circumstances is my son to become a quidditch player!"

James grinned, "Well he's my son, too, and of course he's going to become a quidditch player!" James placed Harry on the broom, and he zoomed around the house happily, while James chased after him. Lily snapped a picture, and sighing, leaned against the kitchen counter and watched them. Why on earth would anyone want to break up this happy scene? She watched her beloved husband chase her son, laughing happily, and her heart ached. How could she stand losing either of them? Why would anyone ever want to hurt a child? And why her child? Tears leaked out of her eyes. Yes, Dumbledore said there was no need to worry, but how could she not? Her family, her not necessarily perfect but just as loved family was in danger, and she hated anyone who could be as coldhearted as to ruin this perfect picture.

--

Emmeline sat in the dark, her head resting on the table.

"Em?" Sirius walked in the door, and turned on the light, "How are you doing?"

Emmeline sniffed, "Sirius, my best friend died right in front of me, and now my friends are in danger of dying as well. How can I be well?"

Sirius hooked her hair behind her ear, "It'll be all right."

Emmeline shrugged, "What are you doing here, Sirius?"

Sirius shrugged right back, "I wanted to see if you were all right."

She sighed, "Don't pretend, Sirius. You're just here to see if I want to go back with you now that Gideon's gone."

He kissed her temple, "Well, dear, you did say best friend."

She turned her head and kissed him full on the lips, but after a moment, pulled away, "Sirius, it's just too hard. I can't deal being with you, and also, you could be a little more sensitive."

He kissed her again, "Em, I love you."

She sighed, "And I love you, but it just won't work, ok, Sirius? I'm sorry." She stood up and left to go into the light, leaving Sirius in the dark.

--

Sirius looked hard at Remus as they stood across from each other in their apartment.

"Tell it to me straight, Remus," started Sirius, unable to keep the snarl from creeping into his voice, "Are you the betrayer?"

Remus gaped, "Padfoot, how could you think that?! I'm your best friend!"

Sirius glared, "I would have liked to trust you, but Remus, why do you keep going down to visit the werewolves? You know they're in league with Voldemort."

Remus gasped, "Because I want to turn them to our side, to show them that they can have a better life! They're just misguided."

"They're enemies!" roared Sirius, still glowering at Remus.

Remus threw a punch and Sirius fell to the floor, "Trust, padfoot. Your friends would never betray you."

Sirius's lip started bleeding, but he didn't care, he struggled up onto his elbows from the floor, and glared up at Remus, "Oh, I dont know, you may have betrayed things because you were angry that I was named godfather instead of you?"

Remus shook his head in disgust, "If you think I would be traitorous for such a silly reason as that, then maybe you're not my friend at all. If you think you can talk to me this way, or that I would ever do something like that to you, or to Emmeline, or to Lily and and James or to **Harry**, then you should be deeply ashamed of yourself." with that, he turned on his heel and left, slamming the door behind him.

--

Lily sat with James in the living room, his arms around her as they stared at the fire.

"I love you so much, Jamie." she murmured, kissing him.

He smiled down at her, "You know how I feel."

Lily shrugged, "Well it's nice to hear it, all the same."

He grinned, "Well then, Lily Evans, I love you with all of my heart, and with all of my soul, and I would do everything and anything for you."

She laughed, "Let's not overdo it."

Suddenly the door slammed open, and a tall figure with a white face and shrouded in black robes stood in the doorway. Lily screamed.

James stood up and pulled out his wand. Firing curses at Voldemort, he yelled for Lily to go get Harry.

Lily dashed towards the stairs, but taking one look back, she saw a streak of green shoot towards James, and her beloved, cherished husband fall to the ground. "NO!" she screamed. Her husband. James, jamie. No, this couldn't be happening! What would she do without him? But there was still one person she loved just as much, and that she had to protect. She streaked up the stairs and flung open the door to Harry's room.

She stood in front of his crib, picking him up and cradling him in her arms. Voldemort came in the room and with a bang, her wand cracked in two.

_"Get away from me!" she screamed, waving her now useless wand threateningly at the pallid face in front of her._

_He laughed, a high, soft, cold, laugh, "Do you really believe that I would obey you, silly girl? I'm here to kill your son, not for anything else."_

_She let out a heaving sob and stepped in front of her son, "No! Take me. Not Harry! Kill me instead! Take me, not Harry! Please!"_

_He held up his wand, his white face livid, and his scarlet eyes slits of vehemence. Her face turned nearly as chalk white as his as she stared at the wand pointed directly at her heart. She circled her arms around Harry._

_"Move aside, mudblood," snarled Voldemort, "I will spare you. Step aside!"_

_She shook her head, making her red curls go flying, "Never! I won't ever let you get him."_

_"As you wish mudblood." And with a flash of green, she fell to the floor right in front of Harry's eyes._

**a/n: yes. it's the end, after 23 chapters. I hope you liked it, please please please review, it would be fantastic. I am starting a Sirius fanfiction, so look out for that, under character one, Sirius, character 2, Dorcas, and under romance, and under in-progress. Please go read that! Author name: deathtodiscotexasliberalweirdo!**


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